i have had mental illness for most of my life. to my knowledge this has not been clearly labelled but i have certainly heard the words depression, anxiety, hypomania, dissociation and post traumatic stress. despite having it and knowing other family members with it i've always been a bit frightened of hearing about mental illness and have hidden from it. i also have (not always succesfully) always tried to hide my connection with it from others.
this is the closest i have ever come to really enquiring about it and is perhaps sparked off by recently losing my dear, lovely, sweet and very brave cousin to bipolar. without meaning to offend i am a little concerned that writing about this on a public forum might be 'mad' for me. however i am doing it and hope i will not come to regret it.
i have found it both intersesting and moving reading your stories here (not all of them yet, just a few, though i will continue reading). i feel a lot of love and admiration for the you that have written them and thank you for sharing.
i am presently experiencing an odd sort of depression where i am aso excitable and have recently been convinced about things that i know others would think quite barmy and where i took on a huge loan to pay off some debts that i'd incrued due to over-spending only to spend that aswell (in less than an hour online) rather than pay off the debts, nightmare!. now i am in real trouble. the money was mainly spent on things that are neither useful to me nor wanted such as 333 bars of a brand of soap i don't like and 12 mixing bowls that i was certain were the tools with which i would save the planet (infact i am still a little attached to that idea).
when i say odd sort of depression, i mean a low that is happening at the same time as being highly erratic, impulsive and energetic. although saying that, the high energy seems to be gradually dimishing and the dark-pit of despair, guilt, self-loathing and feelings of hopelessness are deepening since the news of my cousin. but they are both still there together and that is how it generally is with me. is this bipolar do you think. or is it something entirely different?
i hope there are not too many typos here, i'm dyslexic and am sadly not as eloquent as the rest of you guys. i seem to be bipolar? (or something) without the genious (either creative or intellectual) bit. sometimes though when i am 'high' i think i am being incredibly creative. years ago i made more than 50 of the worlds most astonishing! dream-catchers in one night only to later discover that what i had actually produced was a pile of crap.
warmest hugs to all you beautiful, couragous souls xxx
p.s i have a confession. i haven't actually watched stephen's bipolar documentary. i want to (i think it can be viewed on youtube) but i am scared (silly me). however i have a great fondness for stephen since watching his television programme on the spectacled bears and thank him for the work he continues to do for as well as for his heroic quest to remove stigma from mental illness. in my imagination i often picture him as a bear in shining-armour. narnia has a wise, just and noble lion and we have a wise, just and noble bear.
a little old granny who rescues bunnies