STEPHEN FRY

Welcome nanny rabbits. Likewise I am pretty new here but have a long association with mental illness within myself.

Posting here seems to indicate that you are starting to admit to yourself you do have a problem that is very real. It took me a long time to admit anything was wrong with me & seeking the help I desperately needed.

It was actually a spur of the moment thing for me. Was waiting to see my GP on another matter when I broke down in tears reading a story in Readers Digest. I realised I really needed to talk to someone about what was going on & being where I was it was a simple choice who to tell. It probably saved my life, or someone else's....

I had a lot of times like you, mad spending, doing things we think are great at the time, millions of ideas, one after the other, flying through my head - how to change the world or make millions or anything at all.

Talking to someone about it is a very important step - surprisingly I found it easiest to talk to other sufferers, people who had 'been there' & really understood what it's like. That works for me but you may find it different.

But the correct medical treatment is vital. As lostforwords says, please see your GP if you can. A lot of the extremes can only be controlled by medication, which, sadly, can be a trial & error effort over a long period to find what works for you. It took me over 10 years to get on what I use now & seems to work well - I hope your journey won't be as long or traumatic.

I do urge you to watch Stephen's documentary. I was very surprised when I saw it & he treats the subject very well. You will probably be able to relate to a lot of what is said.

Take care, we're here if you feel the need to talk.

Drac0 said:

thank you drac0 for your kind words and advice
if you see my reply to lostforwords above you will read that i have had contact with my mental health team and will be having an assesment soon.
i am feeling quite exhausted today and am sorry that i am unable to respond with more words at this time.
i will try to watch the documentary in the future

hugs of thanks x

Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly "normal" until I started saying stuff to people like I'm going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I'm going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.

I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn't know the truth if it kicked them in the face!

And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song "Born to Die".

I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha!

But inside me was lots of negativity. I had negative thoughts in my head saying I wasn't good enough! Where can you find your self worth when nothing or no-one can convince you you are beautiul enough or intelligent enough to do. And worse than that you are bad, you are not a good girl. So wot! I can be as bad as I want to be! I can be the same as men! If they can do stuff and get away with it then so can I! thats equality! We can be bad like them!

What I have to do!
I have to get bloodtests so that I can start a course of Depakote. I only tried Depakote for about a month when I was in hospital the end of 2008, 2009. I have also begged lol the psych for a new anti-psychotic with less side effects (dream on). I said I was having a crisis last tuesday coz I was speeding out of control and I was anxious about appointments I had last week. I'm on quetiapine coz it also helps me go to sleep at night but I can't take alot coz it makes me sleepy. And my hypomanic episodes can push through the effects of quetiapine. I know its difficult sometimes for psychiatrists but its not a ball of fun being a service user. I've been admonished for grumbling coz grumbling about stuff doesn't achieve much except going round and round in circles. I am not well enough to have therapy. I talk fast when I am depressed and I talk even faster when I'm having a hypomanic episode.
My co-ordinator pointed me in the direction of The Stress Vulnerability Model and it really opened my eyes. He has given me stuff before on a piece of paper. But this time I looked on the internet and came across http://www.hopevancouver.com which has some interesting stuff. There was a part about coping with the negative thoughts. It says say to yourself,
"I am calm" " I can cope with this" and positive reinforcement like that.
And a deep breath in and out probably helps at this point. Take time to stop and listen. Remind yourself I am calm, I can cope with this"