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nanny rabbits


Member

Posted Sat Jan 21st, 2012 3:21pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

i have had mental illness for most of my life. to my knowledge this has not been clearly labelled but i have certainly heard the words depression, anxiety, hypomania, dissociation and post traumatic stress. despite having it and knowing other family members with it i've always been a bit frightened of hearing about mental illness and have hidden from it. i also have (not always succesfully) always tried to hide my connection with it from others.
this is the closest i have ever come to really enquiring about it and is perhaps sparked off by recently losing my dear, lovely, sweet and very brave cousin to bipolar. without meaning to offend i am a little concerned that writing about this on a public forum might be 'mad' for me. however i am doing it and hope i will not come to regret it.
i have found it both intersesting and moving reading your stories here (not all of them yet, just a few, though i will continue reading). i feel a lot of love and admiration for the you that have written them and thank you for sharing.
i am presently experiencing an odd sort of depression where i am aso excitable and have recently been convinced about things that i know others would think quite barmy and where i took on a huge loan to pay off some debts that i'd incrued due to over-spending only to spend that aswell (in less than an hour online) rather than pay off the debts, nightmare!. now i am in real trouble. the money was mainly spent on things that are neither useful to me nor wanted such as 333 bars of a brand of soap i don't like and 12 mixing bowls that i was certain were the tools with which i would save the planet (infact i am still a little attached to that idea).
when i say odd sort of depression, i mean a low that is happening at the same time as being highly erratic, impulsive and energetic. although saying that, the high energy seems to be gradually dimishing and the dark-pit of despair, guilt, self-loathing and feelings of hopelessness are deepening since the news of my cousin. but they are both still there together and that is how it generally is with me. is this bipolar do you think. or is it something entirely different?

i hope there are not too many typos here, i'm dyslexic and am sadly not as eloquent as the rest of you guys. i seem to be bipolar? (or something) without the genious (either creative or intellectual) bit. sometimes though when i am 'high' i think i am being incredibly creative. years ago i made more than 50 of the worlds most astonishing! dream-catchers in one night only to later discover that what i had actually produced was a pile of crap.

warmest hugs to all you beautiful, couragous souls xxx

p.s i have a confession. i haven't actually watched stephen's bipolar documentary. i want to (i think it can be viewed on youtube) but i am scared (silly me). however i have a great fondness for stephen since watching his television programme on the spectacled bears and thank him for the work he continues to do for as well as for his heroic quest to remove stigma from mental illness. in my imagination i often picture him as a bear in shining-armour. narnia has a wise, just and noble lion and we have a wise, just and noble bear.

a little old granny who rescues bunnies

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lostforwords


Member

Posted Sat Jan 21st, 2012 7:00pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Hi nanny rabbits, glad you had the courage to write this down, I hope you get some answers soon. I would firstly suggest that you see your GP or local doctor as none of us here as the title of the forum thread says, are qualified to diagnose for you.
All I can do is pass on information I have gathered from my research into bipolar.

It seems that there are three types of 'episodes' of bipolar (depressive, mixed and manic) under two headings (bipolar 1 and bipolar 2) and also the similar mood disorder Cyclothemia. I urge you to look into it deeper as I haven't the best memory for which one has which episodes associated with them.

What it sounds like to me (an unqualified person)is that you are describing a mixed episode, where you have the low feelings of depression along with high energy levels and impulsiveness associated with the manic state.

As you have also recently experienced the loss of someone close to you (I'm very sorry to hear of your loss), you will probably also be greiving for them. This wont help the depression side of things so again if only for that I urge you to see your doctor about possible help they can provide to ease this.

I hope you get the support you need to help you through this difficult time and there are some very good parts of this forum where you can find the support of people who are experiencing similar things to you.

I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries of the forum in what I have shared here as I am relitively new here too.

Take care and I agree wholeheartedly about our wise, just and noble bear


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Drac0


Member

Posted Sat Jan 21st, 2012 10:22pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Welcome nanny rabbits. Likewise I am pretty new here but have a long association with mental illness within myself.

Posting here seems to indicate that you are starting to admit to yourself you do have a problem that is very real. It took me a long time to admit anything was wrong with me & seeking the help I desperately needed.

It was actually a spur of the moment thing for me. Was waiting to see my GP on another matter when I broke down in tears reading a story in Readers Digest. I realised I really needed to talk to someone about what was going on & being where I was it was a simple choice who to tell. It probably saved my life, or someone else's....

I had a lot of times like you, mad spending, doing things we think are great at the time, millions of ideas, one after the other, flying through my head - how to change the world or make millions or anything at all.

Talking to someone about it is a very important step - surprisingly I found it easiest to talk to other sufferers, people who had 'been there' & really understood what it's like. That works for me but you may find it different.

But the correct medical treatment is vital. As lostforwords says, please see your GP if you can. A lot of the extremes can only be controlled by medication, which, sadly, can be a trial & error effort over a long period to find what works for you. It took me over 10 years to get on what I use now & seems to work well - I hope your journey won't be as long or traumatic.

I do urge you to watch Stephen's documentary. I was very surprised when I saw it & he treats the subject very well. You will probably be able to relate to a lot of what is said.

Take care, we're here if you feel the need to talk.

My journey, my story.....a blog of my ongoing struggle with mental illness.
When I'm down, I write. Find some of my scribblings on Scribd.
Find me on Twitter: @drac0z

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nanny rabbits


Member

Posted Sat Jan 21st, 2012 11:12pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

lostforwords said:

thank you so much lostforwords for your kind reply
i am not really in a talking mood today
but i wanted to let you know that i really appreicate your words and that you took the time

i will say though that i have recently had contact with my local mental health team, someone will be coming to assess me next month (at home as i also have agoraphobia). meanwhile they have been given a number to call should i need support while i am waiting.

hugs of thanks x

a little old granny who rescues bunnies

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nanny rabbits


Member

Posted Sat Jan 21st, 2012 11:28pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Drac0 said:

thank you drac0 for your kind words and advice
if you see my reply to lostforwords above you will read that i have had contact with my mental health team and will be having an assesment soon.
i am feeling quite exhausted today and am sorry that i am unable to respond with more words at this time.
i will try to watch the documentary in the future

hugs of thanks x

a little old granny who rescues bunnies

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buttons_37


Member

Posted Sun Jan 29th, 2012 7:08pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly "normal" until I started saying stuff to people like I'm going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I'm going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.

I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn't know the truth if it kicked them in the face!

And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song "Born to Die".

I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha!


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buttons_37


Member

Posted Sun Jan 29th, 2012 7:54pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly "normal" until I started saying stuff to people like I'm going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I'm going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.

I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn't know the truth if it kicked them in the face!

And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song "Born to Die".

I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha!

But inside me was lots of negativity. I had negative thoughts in my head saying I wasn't good enough! Where can you find your self worth when nothing or no-one can convince you you are beautiul enough or intelligent enough to do. And worse than that you are bad, you are not a good girl. So wot! I can be as bad as I want to be! I can be the same as men! If they can do stuff and get away with it then so can I! thats equality! We can be bad like them!


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buttons_37


Member

Posted Sun Jan 29th, 2012 8:09pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

buttons_37 said:
Speaking of Mania ha ha! I would seem perfectly "normal" until I started saying stuff to people like I'm going to meet Paul McCartney! You want horses? I'm going to have horses. So excited! My thrills would expand my brain its so easy to push myself to the high! I love my town Liverpool. I know where the thrills are. I was thrilled by the excitement. I mixed with people who took drugs though I disapproved of that behaviour.

I saw myself as a Crusador for truth and justice. And obviously wherever u look there are people who are treated unfairly and there are people in positions of authority who wouldn't know the truth if it kicked them in the face!

And some men like their girls insane as Dana Del Ray sings in her song "Born to Die".

I was crazy and beautiful and I flew down the streets of Liverpool to my favourite club. I had developed an obsession with the drummer of a band. He was cute. He winked at me and I melted. The girls would flock in there to flirt with him. He was full of charm. Ha Ha!

But inside me was lots of negativity. I had negative thoughts in my head saying I wasn't good enough! Where can you find your self worth when nothing or no-one can convince you you are beautiul enough or intelligent enough to do. And worse than that you are bad, you are not a good girl. So wot! I can be as bad as I want to be! I can be the same as men! If they can do stuff and get away with it then so can I! thats equality! We can be bad like them!

But most of all I can see that my neediness - my weakness was caring what people thought of me and wanting their approval.


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buttons_37


Member

Posted Sun Jan 29th, 2012 9:17pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

What I have to do!
I have to get bloodtests so that I can start a course of Depakote. I only tried Depakote for about a month when I was in hospital the end of 2008, 2009. I have also begged lol the psych for a new anti-psychotic with less side effects (dream on). I said I was having a crisis last tuesday coz I was speeding out of control and I was anxious about appointments I had last week. I'm on quetiapine coz it also helps me go to sleep at night but I can't take alot coz it makes me sleepy. And my hypomanic episodes can push through the effects of quetiapine. I know its difficult sometimes for psychiatrists but its not a ball of fun being a service user. I've been admonished for grumbling coz grumbling about stuff doesn't achieve much except going round and round in circles. I am not well enough to have therapy. I talk fast when I am depressed and I talk even faster when I'm having a hypomanic episode.
My co-ordinator pointed me in the direction of The Stress Vulnerability Model and it really opened my eyes. He has given me stuff before on a piece of paper. But this time I looked on the internet and came across http://www.hopevancouver.com which has some interesting stuff. There was a part about coping with the negative thoughts. It says say to yourself,
"I am calm" " I can cope with this" and positive reinforcement like that.
And a deep breath in and out probably helps at this point. Take time to stop and listen. Remind yourself I am calm, I can cope with this"


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nanny rabbits


Member

Posted Sun Jan 29th, 2012 10:41pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

i'm new here and don't really know what to say to people
but i'll be sending you some nice calming vibes
wishing you all the best xxx

nan

a little old granny who rescues bunnies

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Hecate


Member

Posted Fri Jul 5th, 2013 7:32pm Post subject: Mania; post here before doing something stupid.

I'm such a rapid cycler that if el mundo bipolaria were the tour de France I'd be the annual winner. Ouroboros and the eternal return have nothing on me...


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