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Posted Tue Jun 18th, 2013 3:43pm Post subject: mania/psychosis and paranoia

Hi. I have bipolar disorder and often I can't sleep. Sometimes this makes me not high exactly, but very communicative. It's like an urge to spew the most random things at people who may not be interested, like whatever i've been thinking about, or a greater desire to be friendly and sociable. So I hit facebook and contact people I haven't spoken to in a while. And I get all deep and philosophical and say things that are weird, or things that I start thinking people will think are weird. And that's the issue. After a few hours of lalalala this is nice the paranoia hits. It's possibly better termed social anxiety in this context as I just keep thinking people hate me if they don't reply quick enough/at all or that i've offended them. And the only way I can check that shit out is to ask people, but if I'm scared they already hate me/find me annoying I'm not gonna ask "do you hate me?" Even if everything is fine that seems like a weird question to ask, seems super needy, and most people aren't gonna understand where i'm coming from with it. Have paranoia sometimes about other things too, like whether people can read my thoughts, or whether there's some big secret about me everyone in the world knows except me. Very Truman show. Not had it full blown in a few years (ie to the level of delusion where there is literally no doubt in my mind that all these weird things are true, eg aliens are trying to clone me, my cat is a reincarnation of hitler etc etc etc) which is good but it creeps up on me unawares sometimes. And if there IS a healthy dose of doubt in there that somehow makes it worse because of the uncertainty and I worry. Most people have no comprehension of what all this feels like which certainly can be alienating.

So I guess what I'm asking is do any of you experience this sort of low level, "controllable" paranoia, and what do you do to deal with/manage/reduce it???

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Jeff Truesdell


Posted Thu Jun 27th, 2013 5:55pm Post subject: mania/psychosis and paranoia

I experience this often and it's hard to cope with. I took a sleeping pill last night and still never slept. Everyone can say it's all in the mind and it's controllable. But it's not. It's like Evil Jeff takes over and tells me everyone is watching me and hates me. Then I start fighting with myself and it's very scary to my wife or mom to watch me arguing with myself.

I try to embrace the feelings and go with it. However it's hard to control and sometimes gets out of hand. Just yesterday I put my fist through the window of my moms car because of the argument I was having with myself and was trying to bury it inside.

It's hard to control, but if you don't embrace it and try to go with it, it will bottle up and you'll put your fist through a windshield.

Here's to Katy Sara Culling, Stephen Fry, and all of us coping with this disease.

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