Dear Mr Fry
Well, as I sit here at my computer on this wet and grey Friday afternoon at approximately 4.03 p.m. you might well wonder what could possibly have elicited and prompted such a persiflagic diatribe to be flung in your general direction.
And so … as I’m now sitting comfortably (and I do indeed trust and hope that you are doing the same, perhaps with a nice cup of tea and a bun) I shall endeavour to do my best to enlighten you (and possibly also myself at the same time, which would be most excellent!)
I have come to the conclusion, you see, that one should seize the moment - Carpe Diem as those wonderful Latin chaps are wont to put it.
However, I do feel it only fair at this juncture to point out that the author of this little missive is only in possession of one marble in her cranium and, therefore, whatever loquacity is forthcoming is purely dependent upon its mobility. Today feels like a day where it is gently rocking back and forth with the occasional energetic figure of eight – this would equate to me mostly producing a pile of piffle but with occasional glimpses of inane ingenuity!
First forays into someone’s mailbox are always so fraught with wonderings about etiquette and doing the done thing. Should the approach be concerning something of no consequence at all … or perhaps just something of mild and small consequence … or indeed something of eloquent consequence … *shakes head* … but I digress.
Indeed as I sit here and let my digits tippetty tap across the keyboard, occasionally ceasing in order to sup at the beverage, which is positioned to the left of me and balanced precariously upon a rather worn looking copy of a 1998 Road Atlas, I do feel a pressing need to get right to the crux of the matter in order to avoid any further fortuitous flannelling.
So … without further ado … I shall now come to the point of this particular piece of procrastinating and prolific poppycock … or at least, I would, however, out of the corner of my eye I have just noticed that its now 4.14 p.m. and my thoughts are unfortunately required elsewhere and so I am sadly forced to abandon this somewhat meandering missive in order that I might concentrate on my after dinner speech for The Society for the Support of the Sporadically Somnolent. However, please be assured that the next free moment I have will be invested in writing to your good self in order that we might actually get to the point of the matter.
So, until the next time, I shall remain sincerely your slightly inept and mildly beleaguered new acquaintance …