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binooby


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 11:49am Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
Yes indeed, I have succeeded in more avoidance of all tasks of a domestic nature and have instead put my time into formulating more twaddle to flip into the mailbox of our dear Mr Fry ... *sigh* ... I wonder when the restraining order will be issued! X-D


My Dear Mr Fry

As I sit here today at 3.13 p.m. in order to attempt once again to impart to your good self the matter which is most definitely at the forefront of my mind, I find that once more the weather is proving to be most inclement and is thereby dampening my fervour just a soupcon, however, needs must and I am most determined to press on in dogged fashion in spite of the profuse precipitation. In fact ‘dogged’ would be most apt with regard to circumstances today as the meteorological machinations have made for a day of intensive hibernation by myself and my trusty hirsute trio of hounds … *gives self stern talking to* … however, I am most aware that yet again I am in danger of digressing and ceasing to be succinct … so, let’s get right to the point.

Although, whilst I’m here and seeing as I’ve already mentioned the little dears, let me just briefly introduce you to my tactically troublesome tribe. They consist of two doubty and doggedly determined damsel dachshunds edibly named Chilli and Pepper, and to compliment the ‘culinary concoction’ there is a most tumultuously trenchant terrier by the name of Beanie. Ah, the tails of derring do that I could tell with regard to this happy little band, but I am all too aware that I must avoid straying, a tad or otherwise, from the task at hand.

Now then, without further ado or preamble I shall do my best to get right to the heart of the matter and be precise and concise from this moment forward as I recall that with my first literary attempt I was unfortunately forced to cut short my loquations due to having to concentrate on the after dinner speech for The Society for the Support of the Sporadically Somnolent … which, by the way, went rather well. The turnout far exceeded expectations and it was an absolute delight to see our favourite octogenarian, Mr Pemberton cutting quite a figure in his original 1950s tuxedo … and all credit to him for managing to avoid nodding off in his soup this year (it was Minestrone last year, and a rather nice mushroom this year). I must just mention that on the previous occasion it was only due to the remarkable reflexes and excellent work on the part of our astonishingly agile Mr Johnston (age 77) for being quick enough to turn Mr Pemberton’s head sideways in the soup bowl before he himself nodded off in the remains of his prawn cocktail, thereby avoiding what could have been a most unfortunate incident and thankfully negating the need for intervention by those splendid chaps from the St John’s Ambulance.

Ah, my fingers are fairly flying across the keyboard today in spite of the fearsome flooding deluge outside and indeed I am taking great pleasure in the rather fine hot and chocolatey beverage that is positioned just to the right of me, on the windowsill next to a slightly wilted Asparagus Fern that has so far refused to respond to my most tender of ministrations – perhaps you yourself have had such a fern and might be able to offer some small suggestion on how to revive and invigorate my rather sorry looking specimen.
And now I take great pleasure in coming to the point of this rather fine and frivolous piece of flannel … or at least I would … unfortunately I have become embarrassingly aware that its 3.24 p.m. as the reminder in my mobile phone has just sounded and I must, I’m afraid, again beg your pardon and offer my most profuse of apologies as I take leave of this letter and head out of the door in the general direction of my chiropodist as I have a rather painful bunion on the littlest toe on my right foot. I feel sure that this has been caused by a pair of shoes that I am rather fond of but that have sadly seen better days, and it’s simply stubbornness on my part that I have continued to wear them in spite of the folly of this kind of attitude.

But please, please be assured that I shall indeed once again write to your good self in the very near future so that I might bring your attention to a matter of the utmost importance.

So, until the next time, I shall sign off here and remain, as ever, sincerely your mildly mithered and faintly skew whiff new acquaintance …

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Occy


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 12:56pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
Why do people always seem to need to be more than they are when writing such things?

No one speaks like that...not even Stephen...

Why use convoluted words when the simplest ones have the most heart?

Sorry if that seems bitchy - I don't mean to be, but many of us here are well educated. I personally have several years of university behind me...including an honours degree and eventually I will have a phd, but few of us speak as you have in your letter.

KIS principle - keep is simple!

But it's your life, your efforts, so good luck

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binooby


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 3:21pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
... true, the letter is certainly not the way that I normally speak, however, I am doing this from the daft point of a persona ... I thoroughly enjoy playing with words, using as many of them as I can, and most of the time with the full intent of saying absolutely nothing at all.

As Terry Pratchett said: 'Writing is the most fun anyone can have by themselves' and that's exactly what I'm doing when I let loose with such pieces as my supposed letters to Mr Fry ... its my version of sitting on the beach and building sandcastles, it relaxes me, its very therapeutic.

Whether Mr Fry ever comes to read the blather that I come out with ... well, who knows ... but that's not really the point of them as I am quite sure that Mr Fry receives thousands of letters ... the point is fun, playing the part of someone else, the avoidance of housework and just the general emptying of the plethora of waffle that tends to roam around my head on a daily basis. Its utter bliss once my head is empty and I can just go potter in the garden or summat like that.

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Occy


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 3:48pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
mm waffles...

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binooby


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 4:01pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
WAFFLES INDEED!!! YUMMY!!!!!!!

Waffles with maple syrup and pine nuts and banana and, and, and ... *falls on floor happy at the thought of the many many options*

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Occy


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 4:09pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
I just ate waffles
It'ss 1:44 am
I should be asleep

I think that's haiku...

I should be shot and my body carved up and buried in different parts of the world so I don't reform to create more havoc amongst nations...

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Phlizz


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 8:29pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
Ahh but you know what they say: The more waffle you eat, the less waffle you spit out *nods wisely*

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ladyfromhamburg


Member

Posted Tue May 27th, 2008 9:04pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
Hello Binooby, nice to read your second letter (priorities - you know ).I can understand Occy's point of view but for me it seems to be quite clear that's only enjoying playing with words. As I'm now very sorry about your fern: try to water him with cold black tea (2 or 3 times and not too much). sometimes it may help.

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binooby


Member

Posted Wed May 28th, 2008 4:01pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
... since writing said pile of bumph to Mr Fry one of the dogs has since decided that the fern would make a most delightful appetiser before getting to the main course of doggy biscuits ... so, thank you for your piece of advice, I shall bear it in mind should I decide to replace the fern and should it end up in the same sorry state - I'm lousy with ferns, why do I keep buying them, why do I keep doing this to myself, why, why, why!?!?!?!

*goes back to eat more waffles*

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Occy


Member

Posted Thu May 29th, 2008 12:15am Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
mm waffles

get yourself a cactus

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binooby


Member

Posted Thu May 29th, 2008 3:06pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
I think I shall stick to waffles ... definitely chewier and tastier than a cactus! X-D

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Phlizz


Member

Posted Thu May 29th, 2008 6:49pm Post subject: MY SECOND LETTER ... in Mr Fry's General Direction ...
Noooo - don't get a cactus. If you're anything like me, you'll just feel all the more silly when that dies too!

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