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panda


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 2:38pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
thought i was ok. but knew it wasn't going to be plain sailing. something set me off last night. but went to bed, then woke up at 3am - oh no i thought. did manage to get back to sleep in the end, miraculously, though feeling dazed today. am going to take a strong sleeping tablet tonight. its so boring. i have been sleeping in a separate bed from my poor old boyfriend. (he snores, not great when you have insomnia) its a shame, given what he is going through with his stepmother (cancer). but i guess it has to be done.

so last night i saw a message from my mum up on one of these "friends" boards (like myspace but another one). under the details it said: Relationship: It's complicated. What does that mean??? As far as i know she is happily married to my dad (according to her). Not very nice for her to put something like this in a public forum? So now i don't know if i should ask her about it. Do i want to know? I sometimes feel confused about the boundaries of our mother/daughter relationship - such as she tells me more than i want to hear (eg. complaining about dad). What is normal? i know there is no such thing. but what is a semi-normal ideal you might go for?

anyway, sorry if this doesn't make much sense. when i went back to sleep i had a nightmare. about a friend of mine who i haven't seen for ages. do you know when you sometimes become conscious in your dream? then you can control what is happening. so i decided i would confront her about why she hadn't seen me for ages. she ran off, and then the dream took over again, another man joined her and she turned evil. it was really horrible!!! it made me think, when someone experiences psychosis, perhaps it is that dream part of your mind coming up into your conscious while you are awake.

anyway. feeling pretty frazzled today. hope i can just get through the day and have a good nights sleep. words of comfort, help, reassurance are appreciated as always...

panda

p.s. it feels so surreal to read this back.

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rawlini


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 4:57pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
You're just having one of those 3 am stream of conciousness writings. You know when you're in that half-dream/awake state not much of anything makes sense. Plenty of loose associations and fragmented thoughts. Nothing to worry about though. If things with your mother and others are bothering, wait until you are better rested and equipped to deal with them. Good luck, Panda.

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Fourth Feline


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 5:10pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
Hiya Panda,

Just a few thoughts, as I feel I can understand some of the things that are going though your head just now.

The mother/daughter relationship thing is a familiar sounding scenario. I have no children of my own, but have heard on a couple of previous occasions ( with relatives and friend's sons/daughters ) - examples of where one adult wants to treat them ( and therefore speak to them ) as a fellow adult friend and potential sympathiser. How often have I heard the reply:

" uurggh - too much information ! ".

We tend to forget that they are as fallible, needy and human as we are - regardless of the respective ages. It can be perplexing when they want to step down from the pedestal and we want them to 'stay in office'.

I feel that a good chat with your mum might clear the air, or at least give you a hint of what ( potentially) is on the family horizon .

As 'Rawlini' has already noted though, you would need to feel ready.

I would also rest assured that your dreams and their symbolism are a very healthy outlet to the subconscious mind - a kind of virtual reality theatre / video replay.

I get a lot of the same with 'Seroquel sleep'. It does not have to mean anything tangible or be a warning, but it can be a great scribbling pad to draw out the doubts, hopes, fears, aspirations and suspicions of the subconscious mind. Often this is an abstract way of the sleeping mind telling us what we already know - but haven't had the heart to tell ourselves yet ...

I am also not surprised that you feel 'surreal' in reading your own e:mail back just now, remember how clinically "disassociated" and unreal any anxiety state, stress or depression makes us feel. It's a kind of involuntary insulation from our own life when things get a bit too big to bite in one piece at the moment.

Finally, having been hospitalised with some very psychotic people, I reflect that psychosis is not a state of mind where the subconscious comes forward to the waking mind and takes over, but rather that it is by definition a completely different type of altered state.

By comparison, the dreaming mind has it's roots in the waking mind - but is merely a less inhibited extension.

I hope some of that made sense, or at least resonated somewhere.


All the best,

" keep on keepin' on "

F.F.

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 8:34pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
Hi Panda,

In relation to what your mam said on a site:

My mam and dad love each other very very much but they went through a very rough patch 3-4 years ago where they just didnt get along. they both had different views on what they wanted in life and different priorities. They still loved each other and still wanted their marriage to work but they couldnt see how. At that time, they thought of splitting, they planned it and they talked (rightly or wrongly) about what was going on very openly to the point where I think they may have passed the parent-child line. Mam often talked about how it was over etc. Dad kept saying they were staying together. then they sorted themselves out and went to a counsellor. now they are so incredibly strong and spend alot of time together (which they didnt do before). they are more a couple then before.... I guess what Im trying to say is, your parents MAY be going through a little rough patch but that its kinda natural to wake up one day and evaluate your life, see if it is going the way you want it. in that time, you can say things that may not be 100% true or that are not 100% decided on. but that dosnt mean that they are actually on the verge of divorce or that its all an act. your parents are people too and may want to keep certain things private from family or friends. I know I say alot more on the internet then to those around me....


Basically DONT WORRY ABOUT IT! even though I know you will, try not to.

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panda


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 8:40pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
thanks for your posts, both. i've taken a calming tab. some interesting thoughts there that i will consider once i've had a good nights sleep. i've taken a calming tab and am going to see if i can find some golden girls videos to switch off to!
thanks all

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Fourth Feline


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 8:50pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
Good idea Panda,

The occasional calming tab and laughter give many of us a greatly improved perspective.

It's like the feeling you get when walking up a large hill and looking back down on the tiny houses and lives below in the valley. When you return to ground level it all seems more proportionate and manageable somehow.

I thought the narrative from 'Crazy In A Box' was very helpful too. certainly one I have learned from and will remember.

Have a good evening / night

F.F.

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jewel


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 10:12pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one

It's like the feeling you get when walking up a large hill and looking back down on the tiny houses and lives below in the valley. When you return to ground level it all seems more proportionate and manageable somehow.

but also the view from the top of the hill is kind of nice, isn't it?
anyway, good night, Panda, sleep well

"The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on!"

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Thu Jun 14th, 2007 12:39pm Post subject: nightmare - in more ways than one
Hang in there Panda. The follow up posts from Crazy In A Box and Fourth Feline are full of great advice. Will try and jump on later and contribute more.
xox
Pete

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