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inverted_dan


Member

Posted Mon Jul 20th, 2009 12:54pm Post subject: Really Short Stories... about 4 or 5 minutes reading...
Hello there folks, I love little stories, things that can be told to somebody from memory without having to practice or rehearse if you know what I mean, I have been writing my own for a few months now and I have put them on my little site http://www.invertedhourglass.com but i don't want to sound like i am just trying to send you all there so I will post my favourite little story here for you to judge an criticise accordingly.
Hopefully in return you will have your own to share or recommend... oh yeah i have also recorded these as a podcast, you will find the links at my site...

anyway introducing....

Flatline Paradise
By Daniel .M. Brown

At the age of thirty-six Gemma had always been hoping that her life would change, it was always a struggle for her to get out of bed in the mornings knowing the days would go on in the same way they had done for so many years. After all what could she do to change things? That is what she had thought until one day at least, what could she do? Then she realised.
Now, she found herself in what could easily have been mistaken for paradise, she was surrounded by fields, and a cloudless sky, but the sun did not dazzle, in fact the sun was nowhere to be seen. But who looks at the sun anyway? Small children curious as to why their teacher tells them not to look at it, that’s who looks, and they soon gain their answer as well. Gemma continued on her little walk, wondering where on earth she might end up.
Field after field after field, even in the warm weather and gentle light she couldn’t help but weary of the rustic beauty of the place, where were the farmers she thought. Did they not have some sort of work to do in the summer months? Pondering this she was wandering where the last house she had seen had been, but she could only recollect houses on the outskirts of her home town and none out here. This did not bother her though, why would it? She had made her decision and was taking control, she cursed her lack of shoes though, as romantic as it had seemed to walk upon the grass barefoot it was now becoming quite the annoyance when she would tread upon a stone and have the pain jolt her from her minds peaceful wanderings. Where were her shoes though? What had she actually done with them? Not carrying them with her would she find them again? She wished she had fetched her handbag, for then at least she could have fetched a drink along.
On that note she thought it about time to rest a little. Not too far away the landscape became slightly hilly, she thought of how it almost looked suitable for a hobbit to have his home there. What an ideal place to stop she thought.
Making her way to this place she grew ever more tired, every step it seemed was draining her energy and she lay down, half stumbling on to the grass, so completely exhausted had she become though that she lay at an awkward angle, her head at least was facing the sky flat against the grass. She sighed and wandered if this had been a good idea. Looking up at the endless blue, something began to creep into her vision; she couldn’t tell if it was in the sky or in her very eyes, her body convulsed at such a disturbing thought.
A cool sensation swept her face, then down her back and across her body, she tried to raise her hands but found them to be unresponsive to her will. She tried to gasp, or call out in fear, or do anything to attract help, terror took hold and she lay still, looking upwards saying nothing.
In this moment of terror the grass beneath her turned into the cold wet tarmac that she had truly landed on. But it was not rain that dampened the surface. It was blood, her blood, soaking nearly her whole body.
So it was that there, halfway under the truck she had chosen, the sirens in the distance echoed as the last sounds she would ever hear, while her last breath was released from her twisted body, her vision turned red, then black, and then death.

The End.


Well i hope you liked that, and now understand what i mean by "really short stories" please post your own as i am all about sharing! theres more like this at my site if you actually liked it! two chances i suppose!

thanks,
dan

Hey there folks! Here's my humble little site, short stories, a little audiobook podcast, videos and articles on all kinds of things, maybe you will even enjoy some of it!! www.invertedhourglass.com
How to "Cook" a Pot Noodle: Youtube Pot Noodle Video!

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PamJH


Member

Posted Mon Jul 20th, 2009 3:50pm Post subject: Really Short Stories... about 4 or 5 minutes reading...
This was very powerful, with an unexpected ending. I'll check out your site.

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Nitro


Member

Posted Mon Jul 20th, 2009 4:46pm Post subject: Really Short Stories... about 4 or 5 minutes reading...
It's a style called 'flash stories' or flash fiction...

http://www.flashfictiononline.com/

The method has been around for a while now:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_fiction

I like one writers take on it: ""A short story is not less difficult to write, but more. Big ideas and feelings must be scaled down as if trying to wrap a horse in a shoebox. But that is also where the power of the short story resides ." --Ameilia Breckheart

Some people say <1,000 words, others even less than that, or more. Others go by paragraphs.

here's one by K.Ungeheuer, from around 1966:
"The Miraculous Bible

Sunlight drifting through one of the large church windows cast a terrible glare on the glass case at the altar. Robert climbed up on top of a radiator to look over the crowd. However, at that distance, the bible was no larger than a matchbox and he could discern no movement.

The things that commanded his senses were the immense glass case, the large iron fence that surrounded it, the swarm of people that pressed against the fence, the people that pressed against those at the fence and still more people creating the stench of a bathhouse. The noise of crying and prayers hung from the smoke of the incense.

If Robert had been able to get closer to the fence, he would have been able to see the bible twitching uncontrollably, and if he had somehow been able to climb into the glass case, he would have heard the bible's heavy, labored breathing."

His were sometimes no more than a few sentences. The above is one of his long ones.

Really? Wow.

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inverted_dan


Member

Posted Tue Jul 21st, 2009 2:12pm Post subject: Really Short Stories... about 4 or 5 minutes reading...
This was very powerful, with an unexpected ending. I'll check out your site.

Thanks, I am glad that you liked it, feel free to comment on the story pages over there!

It's a style called 'flash stories' or flash fiction...

http://www.flashfictiononline.com/

The method has been around for a while now:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_fiction

I like one writers take on it: ""A short story is not less difficult to write, but more. Big ideas and feelings must be scaled down as if trying to wrap a horse in a shoebox. But that is also where the power of the short story resides ." --Ameilia Breckheart

Some people say <1,000 words, others even less than that, or more. Others go by paragraphs.

here's one by K.Ungeheuer, from around 1966:
"The Miraculous Bible

Sunlight drifting through one of the large church windows cast a terrible glare on the glass case at the altar. Robert climbed up on top of a radiator to look over the crowd. However, at that distance, the bible was no larger than a matchbox and he could discern no movement.

The things that commanded his senses were the immense glass case, the large iron fence that surrounded it, the swarm of people that pressed against the fence, the people that pressed against those at the fence and still more people creating the stench of a bathhouse. The noise of crying and prayers hung from the smoke of the incense.

If Robert had been able to get closer to the fence, he would have been able to see the bible twitching uncontrollably, and if he had somehow been able to climb into the glass case, he would have heard the bible's heavy, labored breathing."

His were sometimes no more than a few sentences. The above is one of his long ones.

Wow thanks for that, i expected that there would have been a name for this sort of thing but i never would have been able to discover it as flash fiction, thanks for the links especially to flashfictiononline... another site to add to the favourites list!

Hey there folks! Here's my humble little site, short stories, a little audiobook podcast, videos and articles on all kinds of things, maybe you will even enjoy some of it!! www.invertedhourglass.com
How to "Cook" a Pot Noodle: Youtube Pot Noodle Video!

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PamJH


Member

Posted Tue Jul 21st, 2009 4:35pm Post subject: Really Short Stories... about 4 or 5 minutes reading...
I've written some flash fiction and found it quite difficult to get my ideas across with so few words. But it's a good exercise in being concise.

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exoskeleton


Member

Posted Tue Jul 21st, 2009 9:12pm Post subject: Really Short Stories... about 4 or 5 minutes reading...
I like flash fiction as well. this summer I've been trying to write some fiction after avoiding it for quite a while. I like flash fiction because it's fun to compress. right now 500-600 words seems to suit me well. I'm not really keen on posting them right now, because with revisions I might sent them to some campus publications that take student work (there are quite a few.) I know it's not all about showing off, but I've wanted to do that sort of thing since I was very tiny and now's probably my one chance.

thanks for sharing your story, inverted_dan. I will click over to your website now.

sockdolager.

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