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sheepchrist


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 1:04am Post subject: rectal examination
During a recent stay in hospital I had to undergo a rectal examination. My first experience of such a procedure.

I became even more perplexed when i learned that it was to be a female doctor who wouldperform this delight. She said "David, I want you to relax,... This will not be painful, just a bit uncomfortable."

She LIED

Despite the KY it still felt like id been rammed by a railway sleeper and despite what I had earlier thought, there was no pleasure to be had.

I got to thinking, are rectal examinations performed to be intensionally painfull to prevent any chance that the experience might be deemed to be the slightest bit pleasureable.

As the years march on it seems that no hole is sacred

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Nitro


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 4:08am Post subject: rectal examination
D
As the years march on it seems that no hole is sacred

BAH HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA......eh heh...snark.....Bahhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahah......muffle, giggle....

s'cuse me but that was god damt funny

You know there's something up with rectal exams when there's smelling salts taped to the examining room wall.

"Doctor! He's going down, he'd going down!"
"Break out the salts, batten down the hatches!"
"We did batten them down."
"Well batten 'em down again! We'll teach those stupid hatches!"

Then the poor guy comes to on the floor, his pants down around his ankles and croaks out,"Oh no, am I in Vegas AGAIN?!"


(rimshot)

Really? Wow.

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Help


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 10:19am Post subject: rectal examination
D
As the years march on it seems that no hole is sacred

BAH HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA......eh heh...snark.....Bahhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahah......muffle, giggle....

s'cuse me but that was god damt funny


Oh Christ, I just spat out some yoghurt whilst laughing!
I mean I shouldn't be lughing as it sounds unpleasant for yourself-sorry

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 11:50am Post subject: rectal examination
The Joy Of Prostate, yes? From experience I would suggest some sort of muscle relaxant just before another examination, booze, grass, whatever.

I don't know which is worst actually, the physical discomfort or the plain indignity of it. Anybody out there got any tips (is that a word we want to use in this context?) on achieving equanimity in this situation?

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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PamJH


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 1:48pm Post subject: rectal examination
Okay. I have to think this experience must be a WHOLE lot different for men. Mind you, I flunked anatomy class. My sister had a colonoscopy a couple of years ago. They gave her something that made her giggly and hard to manage for several hours. Said she felt great.

And I'm sorry for laughing at your pain. But you were very funny.

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sheepchrist


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 8:57pm Post subject: rectal examination
This is one of those scenarios where you do indeed need to have a sense of humour about it, after the fact.

Truth is stranger than fiction. I manage a branch of a well known chain of health/beauty/drug stores. Imagine the scene, some two weeks after my examination, I was standing at the till point when DR (my finger is a railway sleeper) walked towards the till. From her basket she produced a large tube of KY jelly, a packet of condoms, a tin of hairspray and two packets of Ibuprofen. The assitant served her and as she left the store she smiled and then winked at me, the way only a seriel killer could

this clearly illistrates that assumption is the mother of all cockups.

One would assume that if a woman smiles and winks at you she most probably likes you.

One would assume that a woman buy such items would at the very least have an interest in sexual activity.

I fear that on both occaisions, chances are I would have been wrong and the good doctor either wants to torment this invaded soul or possibly has a neat sideline of rectal examinations for the swinger scene.

maybe I have given this subject too much of my thinking time

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PamJH


Member

Posted Mon Mar 16th, 2009 10:15pm Post subject: rectal examination


maybe I have given this subject too much of my thinking time

Maybe, but you've given the rest of us a good laugh.

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 12:15pm Post subject: rectal examination
Hairspray? Where's she going to apply it?

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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Help


Member

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 12:24pm Post subject: rectal examination
Hairspray? Where's she going to apply it?
OH EM GEEE!
That made me laugh, just a smidge X-D

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PamJH


Member

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 1:31pm Post subject: rectal examination
Hairspray? Where's she going to apply it?

On the condoms, most likely.

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Erasmus


Member

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 6:04pm Post subject: rectal examination
Hairspray? Where's she going to apply it?

On the condoms, most likely.

I imagine it will give them a rather nice sheen...

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PamJH


Member

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 7:34pm Post subject: rectal examination
Hairspray? Where's she going to apply it?

On the condoms, most likely.

I imagine it will give them a rather nice sheen...

But only if the hairspray is Adorn or AquaNet.

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 11:14pm Post subject: rectal examination
She said "David, I want you to relax,... This will not be painful, just a bit uncomfortable."

She LIED

This lie must be a universal porky because I had a similar experience when I walked into our hospitals emergency room with what turned out to be appendicitis. I guess they didn't think I was in enough pain already without being probed, and the worst part is that when they're about to do it and they say relax, you instinctively clench.

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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Nitro


Member

Posted Tue Mar 17th, 2009 11:56pm Post subject: rectal examination


this clearly illistrates that assumption is the mother of all cockups.

One would assume that if a woman smiles and winks at you she most probably likes you.



Never, ever assume a winking woman actually likes you . A friend of mine assumed that once and boy did he get his ego broke. She was winking at the much more attractive guy at a table behind him, who also, it turned out, happened to be her husband. He only found this out after walking up after her and trying to be charming because she was 'obviously' into him. X-D

Rectal exams for swingers. That actually sounds believable

Really? Wow.

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PamJH


Member

Posted Wed Mar 18th, 2009 2:04am Post subject: rectal examination
I'm actually starting to feel sorry for men. Are we women really that bad? Or maybe you shouldn't answer that.

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