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tea drinker


Member

Posted Thu May 15th, 2008 11:12pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
Serious Question - to Mr Fry and everyone else out there.

Question 1)
How would you devise a test to prove whether you're gay or not? This isn't something I need help with, but I am fascinated by the question never the less. If sexuality gives us clues by the thoughts in one's head, does that mean being gay is virtual? Just because I think something, does that mean it's true? How would I test the thoughts in my head so as to make something virtual into something irrefutably tangible. Am I gay just because I say I am, or is gayness something tangible and solid.

Question 2)
People define their sexuality by what they see with their eyes. Perhaps known as eye candy. Sexuality is a visual festival. Therefore, how would someone who is blind from birth know their true sexual identity.

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Telepresent


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 2:12am Post subject: Sexuality Test
Ok, well - and this is from a straight 22 year old male - I automatically have a couple of problems, which I will departmentalise in the same fashion as your query:

1) The arguement you consider for the gay/not survey depends on an automatic assumption that people understand why they are attracted to what they are. This is something I have encountered a fair bit (as I say, I am straight, but I have a fair few gay friends) - one of the automatic questions they get asked is "why are you gay?". That's like asking "why are you straight?". Or, for that matter, "why do you like ice-cream?".
See, there's an automatic thought - whether you intended it or not - that homosexuality is chosen. Decided upon. And, inherently, wrong.
So, let's reverse your question:

How would you devise a test to prove whether you're straight or not? This isn't something I need help with, but I am fascinated by the question never the less. If sexuality gives us clues by the thoughts in one's head, does that mean being straight is virtual? Just because I think something, does that mean it's true? How would I test the thoughts in my head so as to make something virtual into something irrefutably tangible. Am I straight just because I say I am, or is straightness something tangible and solid.

I don't want to put a big 'think about that' tag on this, but I think it's very interesting to notice how, given the sexuality change, suddenly this question becomes a bit silly, and would be dismissed by most.

2) People define their sexuality by what they see with their eyes. Perhaps known as eye candy. Sexuality is a visual festival. Therefore, how would someone who is blind from birth know their true sexual identity.

Well, yes and no. For one, how can we speculate on one who is blind from birth experiences the world? Let's not patronise them - and elevate ourselves - by thinking we know 'best'. Let them work that out for themselves.

For another, I think it is UNBELIEVABLY simplistic to make such a statement as "People define their sexuality by what they see with their eyes." No, no, a thousand times NO!!! People will, of course, be turned on or off by what they see, but sexuality is SO MUCH MORE than that!!! A slight hesitation in a sentence, a scent, a small moment you can't see or hear but somehow feel, a miniscule burr in the accent, a hesitation in physicality which reveals that they are trying to behave in a certain way, forced flirtatiousness - these are some of the more obvious moments that you will hear time and time again.

Anyway, in answer to the question of "how would someone who is blind from birth know their true sexual identity." - well, they know. That's the answer. Same as for black, white, gay, straight, deaf, blind, dumb, lame, insane, anything else you can possibly add to this list. Frankly, the idea that attraction is entirely visual strikes me as incredibly basic. Let's face it - if disabled people can run MNCs, they can get their rocks off.

Which leads me to question another assumption you have suggested. X and Y. Black and White. Yin and Yan. I am a straight male, yet I can appreciate men for their physical virtues, and will happily list them on a chart of, say, top 10 men I would... does that make me gay? I don't think so. I think it makes me honest enough to recognise that I reflect on the world truthfully, and that I am comfortable with being a straight young man (and you'd be amazed how many young men are not comfortable with that, for some stupid reason)...

I'm sorry if any of that sounded harsh or like an attack on you. It sounds to me like you are an intelligent person asking important questions. And I hope you respect and appreciate my replies.

Looking forward to talking more,
Russ

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ysabella


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 2:32am Post subject: Sexuality Test
Telepresent's post is lovely, and I would like to add a few minor points.

First of all, if you want to ask Mr.Fry a question, you would do better to send him an actual paper letter. He is known to take time to answer most of those, although I make no guesses whether he will answer probing personal questions.

1. It isn't some gay/not gay dichotomy. It's perhaps more of a spectrum. Try the Kinsey Scale Test (Google it).

2. The eyes are very, very important, probably the most important sense. But not the only one.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 3:19am Post subject: Sexuality Test
i don't need to know if i am gay or straight, i just need to know if i am in love. and i think that's something I know as I experience it...but I will never know ahead of time and I cannot take a test for it. (and it's very different every time)

(though i say i don't "need" to know, i DO know).

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tea drinker


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 10:01am Post subject: Sexuality Test
I welcome any replies to the debate. I posted here purposefully so that answers could be vigorous and have intellectual merit. I won't be offended by any answers. I would agree the question sound absurd when reversed - How do I tell if I'm straight? The reason it sounds so absurd is because we automatically assume that straight is a norm for most people and this is the starting point where most of us belong. So it does not need to be questioned in the same way. My Mother still asks when am I getting married. She just makes that assumption.

The reason I post the question is for personal clarity and peace of mind. The question will always be one sided. It is the gay person who may live in denial, and have explanations for themselves, and still pursue hetero relationships. A straight person would not.

I would be interested to hear from anyone who is blind.

Question 3)
would you ever say being gay is a mask for something else, and what could that be?

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Help


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 10:12am Post subject: Sexuality Test
i don't need to know if i am gay or straight, i just need to know if i am in love. and i think that's something I know as I experience it...but I will never know ahead of time and I cannot take a test for it. (and it's very different every time)

I couldn't agree with this anymore.
I don't really think it makes any difference if you're gay or straight if you're in love then that's all that matters.
As we speak I am in a relationship with a female but wouldn't say I was gay, I'm still attracted to men, but right now she means more to me than anything like that and surely thats what's important?!

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Loona


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 3:46pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
Questions to the questions....

To Question 1)
Is there any need of such a test? To whom would it be useful? If somebody already says he`s gay, who needs a testing? The problem is that sexuality is such a colourful thing, you cannot sort it into black & white, it`s individual. If you think of the ying/yang (telepresent mentioned), there`s always some black in the white and some white in the black & only together the circle is complete. By "judging" the different kinds of sexuality in a test you take away the colour because you will not have a "drawer" in your cupboard for each kind of individual sexuality.
To myself there will never be a "gay" or "straight", for these are, again, common prescriptions of (a kind of ) test - otherwise you wouldn`t proclaim somebodys sexuality in that way.
It has very much to do with your personal identity itself.

what banjo wrote puts another question ahead: sexuality & love are often not the same, so are we talking about pure sexuality,sex & love,loveability... the problems start with defining...

To Question 2)
Nonononono, it`s not only about the eyes, as the brave young telepresent posted! There is so much more to it, if not, poor you!!
You can try it yourself with your friend
It`s just the opposite: Because the eyes are your main sense, you will discover the other senses more intensively only if it`s delayed.
(I`m not blind but able to shut my eyes....)
- Can you define your sexual identity only with your eyes??? Don`t you talk? Touch? Smell? You will soon know who`s standing before (or behind ) you.


To Question 3)
Anything could be used as a mask to others, or to oneself to hide, so why not sexuality, so why not gayness. (which means that it`s not something sooo very much outstanding in these days)

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Red Raven


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 4:54pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
i don't need to know if i am gay or straight, i just need to know if i am in love. and i think that's something I know as I experience it...but I will never know ahead of time and I cannot take a test for it. (and it's very different every time)

^THIS

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whattocallmyself


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 5:06pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
I can not help but to write a stupid answer to this..

question one,
why not try having sex with someone and decide from there? Or try to remember what goes on in your head when you abuse yourself..
If you are gay, you'll know it, how hard can it be? Gay, straight, bisexual, coprophile, I really think you will know within time what tickles your fancy.
How do you know if you are hungry or in the need to take a dump?

question two,
what?
Since when is my sexuality placed within my eyesight?
If that was the case I would poke my eyeballs out.
As someone once mentioned..
"All it takes is a pretty mind"

Onwards and Upwards!

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 6:32pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
It wasn't a stupid answer, but I have to say that this part read in isolation gave me a giggle.

Or try to remember what goes on in your head when you abuse yourself..
If you are gay, you'll know it, how hard can it be?

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whattocallmyself


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 7:04pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
X-D you saw that? And I thought noone would notice.

Onwards and Upwards!

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 7:13pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
The "hard" bit cracked me up too, as did this X-D :

How do you know if you are hungry or in the need to take a dump?

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 7:15pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
If it's self-abuse, does that make me a masochist?

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 7:20pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
That would probably depend on whether or not you are heavy handed.
X-D

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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whattocallmyself


Member

Posted Fri May 16th, 2008 7:21pm Post subject: Sexuality Test
Good question!
Does it?
Tell me all..

Onwards and Upwards!

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