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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Wed Apr 18th, 2007 2:51pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
Every year the Leaving Cert (I think A levels are the English equivilant) take place around June in Ireland and these are suposably some quotes from essays over the years....

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup. X-D

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, kinda' like, sorta, whatever. X-D

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Ballina at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Claremorris 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph. X-D

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. X-D

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. X-D

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 50 cent-a-pint night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame.Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something. X-D

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ad.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. X-D

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no-one had ever seen before.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with their power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

She was as easy as the Independent crossword.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master




Anyone have anymore??!?!?!? They crack me up

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amyl_nitrate


Member

Posted Wed Apr 18th, 2007 3:03pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
Those are great! I've heard some of those before from the Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay page. There's some different ones on there too though not as many as your wonderful list. I think a lot of them are very funny. I really like the ones like the train one, the red brick crayon one, the tongue staple one and the thing coming down the stairs one. X-D

Assuming direct control...

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Wed Apr 18th, 2007 3:11pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
hahaha the link has some great ones! ok so obviously they arnt from the Leaving Cert, sorry about that lol. I got them from a friend. I was crying laughing at them, I just felt stressed this morning and reading them really got me in giggles.

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Aoibheann


Member

Posted Wed Apr 18th, 2007 4:31pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
You so crazy saz! X-D

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boffinbabe12


Member

Posted Wed Apr 18th, 2007 5:34pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
On a mock- SAT, science paper recently, one of the questions was about a biosphere and somethingt about why the organisms are all dependent on eachother and instead of answering the question a friend of mine wrote something along the lines of:
It is cruel- the fishies should be free, you evil people- let the fishies go!

Maybe you had to be there....

ANyway- hilarious! Thanks Crazy- made me laugh!

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teenage_tragady


Member

Posted Thu Apr 19th, 2007 8:37pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
We have this school council thing where people suggest what improments they'd ike to see. I suggested free toast and nap times. We have nap times now but the school call them english lessons.

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Aoibheann


Member

Posted Thu Apr 19th, 2007 10:17pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
Ooooooooooooooh.... low blow girl... low blow......

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Aoibheann


Member

Posted Thu Apr 19th, 2007 11:32pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
Something to cheer saz up:



The frizz on that hun....



Loads of them... the sweetness is enough to kill anyone!!

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Thu Apr 19th, 2007 11:38pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
awww see the basket of puppies? Oscar (rooser is what I call him so ill refer to him as that from now on) was just a little bit smaller then that when we got him... Im soooo posting a pic of him as a puppy in pets corner lol...

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joan


Member

Posted Fri Apr 20th, 2007 3:19pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
We have this school council thing where people suggest what improments they'd ike to see. I suggested free toast and nap times. We have nap times now but the school call them english lessons.

Ha, French lessons can be worse.The most boring lesson ever, was watching the French version of "Waiting for Godot" in a 6pm-9pm French class. I was doing the uni course part-time after work: one girl was already sleeping, I was already knackered before turning up, so it must have been some sort of masochism that kept me awake. It didn't help, picturing Becket laughing his face off at academics for taking the damn thing seriously.

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julia


Member

Posted Sat Apr 21st, 2007 12:52pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
I was never very good at French, when the teacher asked," what's the weather like?" I looked out of the classroom window and saw that it was not very nice I thought of mauvais (bad) so raised my hand. My French teacher, who was a very prim and proper member of the sally army, looked delighted and asked me to answer, I have no idea why as my head was thinking mauvais, but my mouth said merd (sh*t) I honestly was'nt trying to be naughty but she got very upset with me, she quickly asked for Alister (the boy who spent all of his school life with one arm in the air) to answer. I spent the rest of lesson outside the headmasters office, one slip of the tongue and I was in the .... again

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joan


Member

Posted Sat Apr 21st, 2007 3:49pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
French is a VERY dangerous language: too many things that sound like the right word, but aren't. It's no coincidence that we call these by the French term "faux amis" (false friends) for the same problem in any language. A friend of my sisters mixed up two words and ended up getting evicted from his room above a pub. He meant to tell the landlady he'd put some felt (feutre) around the toilet door, as the banging was keeping him awake. But he used a slightly wrong word, and ended up telling her he'd committed a lewd act in the toilet.
Mauvais and merde though?? I think that must have been a Freudian slip!!

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julia


Member

Posted Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 2:51am Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
I think you might be right about the Freudian slip. Another good example of "faux amis" happened when my husband first started working in Germany in the 70's (as a bricklayer ) His German was very limited. He needed to get some change so that he could phone home. He asked the other Brits who had been there a while to remind him what the word for change was. They told him it was wichsen, after thanking them he went into the bank to get some change. Luckily the girl in the bank spoke very good English and explained that the correct word was wechseln, he had just asked her for a "ham shank" (rhyming slang) As soon as he returned and opened the van door they were all laughing and asking what had happened, "nothing" he told them, "she just gave me some change, why ? " They all looked pretty disappointed that he hadn't been thrown out of the bank !!!

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joan


Member

Posted Sun Apr 22nd, 2007 5:00am Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
Oh dear - I was wondering why I didn't know the word 'wichsen' as I'm supposed to be able to speak German!!! Must have been a very 'anstaendiges Maedchen' when I lived in Austria!!
I bet that bank teller had a good laugh...it reminds me of an old UK telly program, 'Auf Wiedersehen Pet" - the sort of theing they'd have done.
PS
He probably should have asked for 'Kleingeld' - that would have been safer !!

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amyl_nitrate


Member

Posted Fri Apr 27th, 2007 6:39pm Post subject: Something to cheer you up!
Something to cheer saz up:





Awww! It's so adorable! ^_^

Assuming direct control...

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