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Nothing


Member

Posted Thu Nov 11th, 2010 5:09pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

From reading many posts on this forum, I see three types of people. Those who feel they are highly intelligent and want to show it off to Stephen Fry and be praised for it....those who are, undoubtedly, adoring fans who want nothing more than to read anything and everything that is written here and drink it all in until they are well and truly stuffed full with it....and those who find their way here for even the smallest amount of consolation, friendship and possible answers to their unanswerable questions about their mental illness. I see some people post endlessly for a few days/weeks and then disappear for months. These are the ones who benefit most from this forum. Just to be able to sit and type out thoughts and feelings into their computer and know that someone, somewhere will read it is all they need. Even if they can't speak to the people closest to them, they can off-load here..on this forum. So, I don't care what problems or hiccups this site has and I don't care how many people moan about it. I'm just glad it's here and I know it is serving its purpose on many levels.

I know my triggers and avoid them at all costs,
but sometimes the gun just goes off in my face!

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Nothing


Member

Posted Thu Nov 11th, 2010 5:41pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Outta Here said:
I guess Freedom of Speech is not common on this forum. My thread was deleted and I don't think it was offensive to anyone. I just stated that I liked SF and wished that he'd move on. I did say, more or less, that he was an entitled celebrity and that others have bigger problems and to get over himself. I ended with the idea that people with problems need funny men like him, to make life better. Apparently he didn't read that far down the note. Now I'm convinced he is a coward and fool really wasn't misquoted at all. The great scam of this site is to not communicate and inform but to stroke immensely large egos.

I'm outta here.

Wow...I only just read this after posting my last message. Let me tell you...it is because Stephen Fry has been honest about his own thoughts and feelings that many people have become more accepting of themselves. Why do you think Stephen Fry has to 'get over himself'? Is it because he's on TV? Would you rather he set an example by behaving rationally and keeping all his problems to himself? Is there really a maximum amount of times that you can discuss your fears and worries with others? I've seen so many people open up on these forums and get help. Maybe, you'd prefer it if they all 'got over themselves'? This site wasn't set up to boost Stephen's popularity and stroke his ego. It was to help people. He did a good thing by putting his private life 'out there' for all to see. As a high-profile celebrity, it was a risk that could have seen him ridiculed and disrespected by those ignorant people in this world who think manic depressants just need a slap round the face and to be told to 'get over themselves'. Bad advice for someone who just wants to disappear and be nowhere during their worst times. I'm not surprised your post was deleted if it was anything like the one I just read. This is a great site and has been provided through generosity...not egocentricity.

I know my triggers and avoid them at all costs,
but sometimes the gun just goes off in my face!

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Fri Nov 12th, 2010 6:21pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

zoo20000uk said:
From reading many posts on this forum, I see three types of people. Those who feel they are highly intelligent and want to show it off to Stephen Fry and be praised for it....those who are, undoubtedly, adoring fans who want nothing more than to read anything and everything that is written here and drink it all in until they are well and truly stuffed full with it....and those who find their way here for even the smallest amount of consolation, friendship and possible answers to their unanswerable questions about their mental illness.

Why the need to categorize folks, and does it mean that you're ok with being "typed"?

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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Nothing


Member

Posted Sat Nov 13th, 2010 11:22am Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Tobias, I used my observations to point out that there are people here who need this forum no matter what form or shape it takes. They don't expect anything grand or spectacular, they just need an outlet. There are probably some who fall into more than one category, but I wanted to point out that it doesn't matter about format. It just matters that this site is here...and, no, I don't mind being typed. The more posts you read by someone, the more you can get a feeling of why they're here and what they aiming to achieve. If I've offended you, I'm sorry. I post as I please, just as you are free to do. If we didn't put down our true thoughts and feelings, how would people know how to interract with us? If I didn't let people know how I see the world and what I feel about certain aspects of life, how would anyone even begin to get to know me? Over all, I organize my life in the only way I can. I do categorize people and I do treat them accordingly. That's just me. If it works for others to treat everybody they know in the same way, regardless of the behaviour that's presented, that's fine...for them. However, it's never worked for me. I wish it did...life would be so much easier. I treat as I find.

I know my triggers and avoid them at all costs,
but sometimes the gun just goes off in my face!

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Sat Nov 13th, 2010 7:49pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

No, I'm not offended, posting as we please is all well and good, but social graces aren't unwelcome. Enjoy the forum.

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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katysara


Moderator

Posted Sat Nov 13th, 2010 9:25pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

zoo20000uk - pray, which category do you place yourself in?

KSx

I am an administrator on this site.

"Having a great intellect is no path to being happy."
~ Stephen Fry

See my website: www.katysaraculling.com

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Nothing


Member

Posted Sun Nov 14th, 2010 6:42pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

I think it would be for others to place me in a category that they feel is appropriate. I would like to be intelligent enough to show off and I'd love to be able to read every last word from this site, but my reading ability isn't that great. So I guess that leaves the category comprising those who need to come back from time to time and find comfort. However, I feel I missed a category. The one for those without social graces. I think I'll just sit there for a while until I'm allowed out. I don't believe I've ever directly offended anybody on these forums or seen someone else's reason for being here as any less important than mine. In fact I've 'enjoyed' them for many years and made some really good friends as a result. Just because I don't always participate, doesn't mean I haven't been here.

I know my triggers and avoid them at all costs,
but sometimes the gun just goes off in my face!

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Sun Nov 14th, 2010 11:28pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

No one has placed you on the naughty step, or questioned your right to be here, or it's importance, so please don't muddy the water with that implication. And many members have been here for years, though truth be told it doesn't matter how long, or why anyone is here, just that we are here. Would anyone disagree that a widely accepted opinion is that people prefer to be perceived as individuals, not "types", and that getting to know someone requires interaction, not categorization? It's highly unlikely. There is simply no reward going into that process with a preconceived notion in the form of a "type". It would be inaccurate and unfair.

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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Nothing


Member

Posted Mon Nov 15th, 2010 9:50am Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Post edited by KS as overly argumentative with inaccurate allegation.

I know my triggers and avoid them at all costs,
but sometimes the gun just goes off in my face!

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Mad Michelle


Member

Posted Mon Nov 15th, 2010 2:58pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Stephen Fry said:
Hello dear forum people. I wanted to write a word about things to you as it has been brought to my attention that not all is as happy as it might be in the world of the Fry Forum. You can imagine how much this distresses me. I am one who (to a fault, to a glaring fault, I am well aware of it) hates confrontation or unhappiness of any kind and so I tend either to pretend it isn’t going on or I run away from it. Well no good doing either in this case, so I shall take the bull by the horns, grasp the nettle and grapple the metaphor to the ground.

I understand from Andrew Sampson that we cocked up royally in upgrading the forum to WordPress. In fact many of you would regard ‘upgrading’ as quite the wrong word. Firstly, we never told you it was happening and secondly it altered the experience for you in ways that many of you found objectionable. Andrew works inexpressibly hard for and with me and is as committed as I am to making the site a good place for anyone to spend time, but he would also be the first to admit that his direct Australian manner can seem abrasive to more sensitive souls (myself often included!). It’s bred in the bone, part of the culture (and the reason for Australia’s unparalleled sporting success?) but is never meant to offend or to express contempt or impatience. He sees the shortest distance between two points and can straight-line his way there without passing the square marked tactful… a gift, but sometimes a tricky one….

You may wonder why I haven’t involved myself in forum governance. I will tell you. A lot is to do with sheer cowardice and indolence. It’s all I can do to keep my head above water with my diary as it is without involving myself in the political and housekeeping issues of the forum. I want people to be happy, but there seem to be countervailing opinions as to how that is best achieved and it would be crashingly inappropriate of me to “take sides” – it’s not my business to do that and would be so unfair on you. So I keep away from forum business and hope that you manage it well without me. After all, if I was there the whole thing would be a weird controlling vanity project, not a free arena at all.

I will certainly get out my chequebook and pay for the forum upgrade (without too much self-pity you should know that we’ve already spent six days on forum coding, at the cost of delays on other Samfry projects and there is still much more work to be done) but I would beg you to be patient. I know how large problems seem to you when you are inside the forum every day, and the solutions probably seem simple and easily achieved from your side. Oh, how I wish they were. The very success of the stephenfry.com site causes it to be very expensive to run and while work on the CMS and structure has enabled maintenance to be much more rationally undertaken it is still a formidable ask for a personal site that has only just started taking ads and which is still very far from paying its own way.

But above all I want you to be happy, and I hope you can be happy in the way one used to be happy in grotty student accommodation. We never complained in those days about stained sofas, stuck doors, creaking floorboards and drippy walls. As we age we tend to get a bit fussy about things – I’m just asking that for the moment you put up with a bit of inconvenience and hope you can regard it as a lark. It is certainly not a sign that we don’t care.

You are the most loyal of all the website visitors and this gives you the right to feel a certain kind of ownership. But I want the site and the forum to be welcoming to all. When new neighbours move in on the street nothing is more dreaded than the Resident’s Committee which lays down the law on “how things are done here”. A feeling that there is an elite is far from what any of us would want, I’m sure.

• Kindly welcomes
• Genuine friendliness
• Consideration and appreciation of others
• Acceptance and friendship
• Intolerance only of rudeness and unkindness

If you like my works and my deeds, what I say and what I do in the world, if you are admirers, fans or followers of my life and career, then I would hope you might feel that I try and stand for friendliness and openness, and that I can only be distressed by in-fighting, turf wars, possessiveness and resentments. I am not trying to overstate the problem, I am happy to note that the forum has not disintegrated – I am saying all this as a pre-emptive measure. To stop things going in that direction as I fear they will if we don’t all pause and consider.

It is all a result of your frustration at the unwelcome and mishandled changes and we accept full responsibility for that. Without Clare and the moderators things would have really been difficult and I owe them all a huge debt, as do all users of the forum. A hundred thousand unnoticed actions from them have kept things going. But let’s concentrate on making sure that the forum welcomes newbies, alienates no one and acquires – like Chesterton’s angels – the ability to take itself lightly.

If I were a corporation who made money from this website I would be duty bound (if I was an honourable corporation) to hire the five or six full time staff necessary for the running of the forum and the recoding and maintenance of its tools and environment. Sadly I am not a corporation and (at the renewed risk of self-pity) I just don’t have the time or the resources. The more Andrew can concentrate on new revenue streams for the site, the more we can pour into improving it. Which is all we want to do.

So I hope, for my sake (he squeaked forlornly) you might do your best to enjoy the forum as it is for the moment, being as forbearing and friendly and patient and good-natured as you can be. If you have what builders call “snagging lists” (this tap drips, that banister is loose etc) then by all means present them, but I hope you understand that we can’t leap in and fix every problem – big as it may seem – at a moment’s notice. It’s a huge site, and as you probably know, the amount of traffic it deals with involves complexities of hosting and server clustering of a kind that make one’s poor head spin.

Well, that’s it. I should have dropped in earlier I expect. Apologies for not doing so. My love and thanks to you all.

To the future

x Stephen


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Kraftykitten


Member

Posted Wed Nov 17th, 2010 11:54am Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Hi Stephen ,
I have just joined your website as I have been a fan of yours for many years. I had a little problem with my password when I first joined yesterday, but hopefully that will is sorted now.
I think it is wonderful that you have a website where your fans can post messages to you and read your blogs - especially when you are indeed a very busy person.
I hope that you are keeping well in the meantime. Take care.
Kraftykitten

Kraftykitten

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Kalten


Member

Posted Wed Nov 17th, 2010 2:56pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Hello one and all. I would like to say a big thank you to Stephen and the team for creating such a diverse and prestigious website. I feel priveleged to be a new member. In the meantime i shall look foward to more intriguing posts.

Many thanks once again

Kalten


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garyh


Inactive

Posted Wed Nov 17th, 2010 7:44pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

I have been a member of this site for a few hours.
During my time here, I have noticed a decline in the standards.
By the time I get to the end of this post, I expect things to improve
or I shall be writing several letters!

So, lets get all that stuff put away and get on with it.

xxxxxxx

I am, honestly...I am

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nICOLAUS sILVER


Member

Posted Thu Dec 2nd, 2010 1:08pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Silence is not golden because if we imprison our irrational thoughts or beliefs then we will never learn. By airing them we expose them and have an opportunity to "update" our thinking if convinced by other folks to do so.

Please let me give an example....

I'm a Pom and was at the Test match the other day in Brisbane Australia and an Aussie mate asked me who I wanted to win.

Wanting England to win just because I am English is a silly notion of blind patriotism or bias. I want the better team to win because they deserve to win on merit. I like to see good play by both teams to make it a good experience for players and spectators alike.

I like to predict and anticipate what may happen and then put $1 on it happening. Strauss to score a ton, North to take most wkts, Oz to score 400+ Drawn game etc. Adds spice to the game else I'd doze off and get sunburnt.

So in that scenario I have to overide any patriotism or bias in order to analyse accurately to try and get it right. It's my hard earned dollar at stake...... so I have motivation to seek the truth so I am better off for it.

Same way in forums we have an opportunity to express opinions that may well be inaccurate or have biases that have not been "serviced" or "corrected" for yonks because we have harboured them usually due to an emotional dependancy.

If we are genuine and want to learn what is real we have to be flexible enough to recognise the truth and update our perceptions.

Kindness, patience and good manners cost nuffink.

Australia will win the Ashes by 2 Tests and thats where my cash is but....if England do retain the Ashes a wee tear will be shed showing my respect for the lads because they would have had to graft like Battle of Britain to do it.

nICOLAUS sILVER

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RosieHvid


Member

Posted Sat Dec 4th, 2010 10:20pm Post subject: Special message from Stephen Fry

Dear Mr Fry,

This is my first time on twitter, and therefore my first time on your forum, i can't tell you how rare it is to have the person we all admire actually take to time to speak of these issues on your own sight. It really shows you care. You're a wonderful man Mr Fry, and I'm proud to be your fan, or your follower, whatever it is called now. But I will always look up to you and if I am ever lucky enough to have one sixteenth of the sucess you have, I will the happiest girl alive.

Rose x


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