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gadgetgirl


Member

Posted Thu Mar 22nd, 2012 5:02pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

There are no words really for this other than to scream very very loudly - my Dad paralysed due to cancer in his spine. He cared for my Mum who has Alzheimer's. I'm bloody glad I'm agnostic/atheist otherwise I'd be screaming at something imaginary rather than stupid stupid quirky horrible freaks of nature.

Sorry to be such a downer but there it is. Zero room is for ranting...

That would be me.

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Fri Mar 23rd, 2012 1:05am Post subject: stupid stupid world

I am going to let off some steam about how having a mental health illness can lead to certain people trying to strip you of the one thing they cannot strip you of - your DIGNITY -

My eyes have been well and truly opened many times in the last 4 years (since diagnosis of "B" word). People who you once classed as friends have all but disappeared off the face of the earth:( Mothers in the school playground who look down their noses at you for what they have 'heard about you' with much added exaggeration for effect; worst of all, your precious offspring being told absolute lies.....my the list goes on.....

For me the most hurtful thing was when letters arrived home from my children at school and it no longer read TO THE PARENTS OF ******* it suddenly only read FATHER'S NAME. That hurt big time.

The first ever manic episode I had, well I had got into my head that my now ex husband had been cheating on me with 2 mums from said playground, I had received "messages" to tell me which 2 mums it was (!!) and had decided to confront these 2 mums. Well to cut a long story short I told them both the same thing, roughly along the lines of "watch your back, I am on to you...". Oh dear, one burst into tears, the other called the police! The other factor leading me to being admitted that very day to hospital for the first time? Me emptying the entire contents of everything my now ex-husband possessed into our driveway. Buses were driving past with bemused passengers on board. I was the local entertainment that day! When I say everything he possessed - I do mean everything. Sigh.

Anyway word got around the school playground. This was 2008. I apologised to the 2 women involved when I became "well" again, but well things have never been the same. Out of the 2 women, the one who has been the LEAST understanding was a NURSE, to this day she cannot bring herself to speak to me:( I was confused by this. I thought training as a nurse would have provided her with understanding about this type of "thing". Alas no. The other woman speaks and smiles but I still sense that well the damage was done in 2008 and nothing will ever repair that:(

At a recent Parent's evening I expressed my sadness at the way the school letters are addressed, and it is being resolved!!! Thank god.

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Fri Mar 23rd, 2012 2:18am Post subject: stupid stupid world

I'm so sorry, gadget. Scream away, and holler at me if you need to chat.

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Fri Mar 23rd, 2012 2:17pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

Thankyou:) Next time I see you logged on, I shall do just that! I shall holler at you. You may regret telling me this I can holler pretty good:)

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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Nitro


Member

Posted Sat Mar 24th, 2012 5:48pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

No offense Arlene, but I think Tobi was speaking to gg.

Anyway, gg, I'm very sorry to hear about your father. I know you said he's paralyzed and so I hope that also means he is not feeling as much (?) pain from the cancer. I hope you have family members and 'meat world' friends who are being supportive as well. My own dad passed from cancer and I don't mention that to minimize what you're feeling, only to convey that me and other people here who have had loved ones suffer in some way can understand how incredibly stressful it can be. Spend as much quality time with your dad as you can. I'm sure you don't need that said but, well, I tend to trip over myself when hoping to help a little.

Try to find laughter and peace where you can for yourself and with your dad, at any time you and/or he can tolerate it. And fwiw, you have every right to feel anything you feel about any of it.

When my dad's cancer took a turn for the worse, it was one of the most trying years of my life and while I wish I'd done some things better I can say honestly overall that I did my best and then some. I was his sole caregiver 24/7 for many months and was recovering from a brain injury and my war service, so...it was pretty rough going and I learned a lot that I hope might serve me in some other event, given Life has a tendency to throw a curve right about the time you feel pretty comftorable predicting the pitchers methods LOL We spent a heckuva lot of time together, made the most of that time we had, and I wouldn't trade it for the world except the part where he suffered physically.

I'm sure your father is very glad he has you in his life Hang in there and remember to never try to do everything perfectly. It's impossible and adds worry and stress you don't need. It might sound corny, but when you're alone sometimes a few minutes of just quiet meditation can help take the stress down a notch, where you just listen to and focus on your own breath, in and out, etc. It gives the brain just enough time to kind of decompress stressful thoughts and refocus to carry on better.

And to Arlene...try not to place too much importance on what the opinions of 'others' that are not related to you or close friends may or may not have of you. Such opinions are never really significant. Also, I've a few friends in medicine and despite they're medical training, they're no more compassionate or empathetic than any other people I know. Sometimes they are less so because over time they have to disconnect emotionally so they can stay on task with a lot of priorities on the job and do them well. This ability is like any other habit: it's hard to break. I wouldn't take her apparant disapproval of you too personally. It's how she's coping with what occurred and she does, if you think about it, have a right to that. You never know what's around the next cornor anyhow. She may surprise you one day. Or not. Just accept people at face value rather than 'read into' their motivations or disposition and kill 'em with kindness I'm sorry you've had a rough time of it but give yourself the credit you deserve for getting help and becoming more well. YOU did that and it's a great thing! If anything, there may be some minor jealousy in knowing you went through a really hellish time but are bouncing back. With less stress than you had, with less weighty things to overcome than you had, maybe they wonder how well they might've done in your shoes and realize they wouldn't have done as well. Or maybe they have easier lives in some different way than you and think they should be doing better than they are. Point is, you just never know what's influencing other people in their lives. We're quick to judge and we do so too often without ALL of the facts. Some people do that because they find it easier, others do it because their hearts are hard and suspicious. The great news is that you can't control any of that and so it's not your responsibility to worry about You can get on with the business of improving your life and enjoying your kids. Ah, Freedom, eh?:)

Really? Wow.

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michael


Member

Posted Tue Mar 27th, 2012 3:18am Post subject: stupid stupid world

GG, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

What's the situation of things right now for you?

Do you have siblings? (you'd think I'd know... I guess I don't!)

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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gadgetgirl


Member

Posted Thu Mar 29th, 2012 8:44pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

Thanks Michael, Nitro, Toby. I have been both overwhelmed and in despair over the way the experience of these diseases binds people together and bring out understanding. I've got a couple of sisters, and we are running around like mad trying to arrange visits, possible care, and making plans but the truth is we have no idea what Dad's prognosis is yet. Yeah Nitro, all you can do is spend as much good time as you can with each other and take it one day at a time.

Onwards...

That would be me.

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Fri Mar 30th, 2012 8:02am Post subject: stupid stupid world

@Nitro, oh yes you are right, that post was aimed at another member, I do apologise. I think I just assumed as the post was directly after mine it was for me; but looking back now it is as clear as day that it was not!

Thankyou for your response; yes I understand completely what you are saying; and yes you are spot on in me reading too much into things, god yes I do this on days ending in 'y'. Sigh. I must try and stop this as it is soul-destroying at the best of times, and adding to the stress somewhat.

Me focusing on my 3 boys is my way of distracting myself from my negative thoughts.

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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joan


Member

Posted Fri Aug 3rd, 2012 11:50pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

GG - how are things now?


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gadgetgirl


Member

Posted Mon Aug 13th, 2012 3:49pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

Hey Joan,

Things are not much better on that front to be honest. My dad has some amazing new anti-biotic based drugs which halt the cancer growth, but he is still paralysed, has lost most of his body weight, and my Mum's alzheimers getting more advanced. The stubborn old bugger refuses to move or get extra help for them both, despite desperate attempts by all three daughters. Some people refuse to be helped!

Hope you are faring considerably better!

That would be me.

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joan


Member

Posted Tue Aug 14th, 2012 7:46am Post subject: stupid stupid world

Oh dear - that's the sort of situation we all dread when we are approaching old age. At least they have you and your sisters to worry about them and to be there when they have to move.

Things are not good here, but not in the same sense that you are suffering. We live in a 'council house', well, the Queensland Australia equivalent, but we have suddenly got a far-right State government with a huge parliamentary majority and no upper house to reign them in. They are doing right-wing idealism based things, which include threatening our tenancy, getting rid of thousands and thousands of government jobs, and cutting funding to everything from children's music programs to health services.

They said retired people in houses should go into smaller flats and make room for needy families, but when people do leave, they simply sell the house. Also, they have no small units available. Once this became common knowledge they changed tack and said they'll put the rents up. Rents are already assessed at an affordable rate, so one presumes they'll become unaffordable in March 2013 when they plan to do this.

My husband has anxiety. sometimes depression and increasingly severe agoraphobia, as well as some physical problems, so you can imagine what this uncertainty is doing to him.

I have to walk a verbal tightrope, so as not to say things that trigger an awful reaction from him.

It is pretty grim.


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gadgetgirl


Member

Posted Sat Aug 18th, 2012 5:11pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

Oh crikey joan - you're right - it's grim. I just don't understand how this works. The government/councils here have started something along those lines, with some idea that families should be forced to move wherever there was an available house or flat (i.e. lets get people out so we can sell houses in places where we'll make a lot of money). No care of the impact that might have on jobs, on children, on extended families who rely on them, or on self-esteem. I cannot imagine how you become that hard hearted and obsessed with money.

Sorry it's so hard on you personally too, big hugs and sympathy are all I can offer at such a distance.

That would be me.

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joan


Member

Posted Mon Aug 20th, 2012 5:28am Post subject: stupid stupid world

It's all down to politics in the end. For the right wing, money is the bottom line, for the left wing, people are the bottom line. It is that simple.

And the Labour party here, in power federally, got the money right too, getting us through the GFC by means of a stimulus package to people not banks.

The Right of politics get it all wrong by concentrating on austerity and cutting spending, as this adversely affects business as well as the powerless. But they have the big propaganda budgets, and many people have no understanding of the issues, believing what the media wants them to believe, including the idiotic assumption that if it hurts it's doing good! In this way the Right gets elected.

Oh well, at least I know my teacher son trains all his pupils (age 15-18) to deconstruct the news and find the tiny bit of truth.


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gadgetgirl


Member

Posted Mon Aug 20th, 2012 8:47pm Post subject: stupid stupid world

You know "if you don't vote labour when you are 20 you don't have a heart, if you don't vote conservative by 30 you don't have a brain". It seems I am a bear of less and less brain.

Now which of money and people is best to hug on a cold night?

Do you get politicians rambling about their "tough decisions" and "difficult but right choices" all the time too then? As if we are magically to feel sorry for them as they slash a school dinner budget

That would be me.

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joan


Member

Posted Tue Aug 21st, 2012 2:57am Post subject: stupid stupid world

Our lot just slashed everything then gave themselves a rise.


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