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tito


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Posted Fri Dec 11th, 2009 6:16pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

I'm in anger management therapy and as soon as they decide it's safe to open my cage I'll join you.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Professor Universe


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Nitro


Member

Posted Sat Dec 12th, 2009 5:05am Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Hmmm, yes. The cage again huh? Well, you remember how long it took you to 'work through' your anger the last time don't you? I suspect you're going to be on lockdown for a little while.

If one of your guards is named 'Chip', he's actually my brothers, girlfriends, waitresses cab driver. We might be able to encourage him to be extra nice to you and perhaps you'll have an earlier release. Unlike the last guy that let you out early though, Chip will probably not just give you the key because you ask nicely. He's a little more street wise than that.

In the meantime Darling prof, I will try to find some interesting postcards to send you so you can decorate your cage. It is inadvisable that you bind them together over time, till they form a very solid weapon to shove into the artery of any of your guards necks, located just 2" below the lower ear lobe, in order to free yourself. No, I in no way endorse that.

Now I'm going to put my Crackberry down and get back to drinking heavily.

Cheers!
The Tan Tourist

Really? Wow.

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tito


Member *

Posted Sat Dec 12th, 2009 10:25am Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Dear Tan Tourist,

thanks for the warm advice!

Slightly worried about where you were going to tell me to shove my weapon. But it turned out not to be the place that sprung to my mind!

I do prefer postcards with a view of the hotel and an 'X' marking the window of your room.

But if you go more for coconuts then I'm prepared to live with it.

I don't want to be difficult about it.

Major Evadne has gone missing. He's either being pursued by bookies or fractious husbands.

The Queen's Own Mincers have something of a reputation.

Anyway, it's time I was hosed down for the day!

yours, focusing on serene images,

Professor Universe

P.S. They delivered the waffle bike. 'Chip' keeps using it to do his grocery shopping. Should I put his name on 'The List'?


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Nitro


Member

Posted Mon Dec 14th, 2009 5:03am Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Hello from Tahitit!

It probably wouldn't be very nice of me to go on to you, since you're own surroundings are less pleasant, about how stunningly beautiful it is here, how serene, how pleasant the natives are, how easy it is to con the simple minded ( shame! did I just say that? ) American tourists waddling around like the overeager puppies they are, how delicious all the fresh fruit is, how perfect the temperature, how blue the skies and lush the greenery, and of course those wonderfully clear turqoise waters I float on a raft on several hours a day. No, I won't tell you about all of that. It wouldn't be nice and might not help with your anger issues, so I'm being sensitive to that.

As for the 'x' of my location. Erm, I think I will decline to do that for now. Perhaps when you're well enough to be moved from the cage into a proper room, but not before. I know you Prof, please don't forget that

I say allow Chip his little rewards. He may prove to be just the friend you need when it's time to move you hint...hint...hint...

So sorry to hear about the Major. Oh well, such are the casualties of high achievement sometimes. I'm sure he understood this going into the project. Please remember you made that decision to hire him on your own, so..I hate to say 'I told you so', but..I sort of told you so.

Okey dokey, that's about all I have time to write now Prof. My masseuse is here as well as the servant who feeds me grapes and fans me while I am rubbed down. I'll have one of the servants run out and get some p-cards to send you. Hopefully they'll pic something tasteful.

Fun and relaxation from Tahiti,
TTT

Really? Wow.

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henry


Member

Posted Mon Dec 14th, 2009 6:36pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Hi Tito, I´m back again! Take a look at my Christmas Carol!


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tito


Member *

Posted Mon Dec 14th, 2009 7:26pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Hello Henry,

It's so good to see you back again. A few of us here haven't been on much lately for various reasons.

I'll have a look at the Christmas Carol. xxxxxx


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Nitro


Member

Posted Tue Dec 15th, 2009 3:03am Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

That's called hijacking a thread Henry. It's illegal in 20 states, some of Europe, and all of China.

Now, if I sue you under Chinese law and you lose, you will be punished via firing squad and it might be televised.

I won't bother mentioning any result of suit in Europe. Most of them spend the day sleeping or clipping their toenails. However, I hear if they're woken they can be quite nasty and you might find yourself doing life in a German prison or, in England, forced to stand in some public square while pub crawlers hurl insults at you and put Christmas ornaments in your hair.

In all 20 states here, your fine will be strenuous exercise until your body fat is reduced to not more than 10%. You will also be forced to watch the 700Club six hours a day and weave the belly lint of disgraced politicians into sweaters to be sold to tourists in Bolivia.

I just thought I'd give you a friendly reminder about some of the potential consequences.

My head hurts from all this thinking, so I'm going to go eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich and stare at a spoon.

Really? Wow.

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Wed Dec 16th, 2009 2:21am Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Dear all, just letting you know that my private machinations are shortly to bear fruit. Copiously.

Evadne.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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tito


Member *

Posted Wed Dec 16th, 2009 6:27pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Good to hear from you Evadne!

Old Pinky has jumped ship and is now aliassed as The Tan Tourist.

But we've got Tristan-Belize Tourette on board!

You mentioned something about fruit? Pineapples??? Yummy!

My tetchiness got the better of me and I'm currently in maximum security on ANOTHER anger management course.

But we do have the Waffle Bike now. Although my, dare I say it? V handsome guard 'Chip' is using it for his grocery shopping.

Speak soon!

Professor Universe


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Nitro


Member

Posted Fri Dec 18th, 2009 1:35pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Tahiti still gorgeous.
Sunsets just stunning.
Uh oh, look out!
The people are running!

TTT

Really? Wow.

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tito


Member *

Posted Fri Dec 18th, 2009 4:01pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Dear TTT,

you may be joined by a honeymooning couple just as soon as Chip and I find a way to leave the country!

Yes. We're engaged. There he was using the water cannon on me a couple of days ago and he suddenly switched it off, burst into tears and said, 'Professor! I can't do it! I'm madly, madly in love with you'.

I paused, and then said, 'Actually Chip, I've got some soap lodged in an awkward place. You couldn't just hose me down again could you?'.

But after that love blossomed. He helped me escape and we are currently staying in the 'Ho-Down Motel and Mini-Bar Emporium'.

Yes, our relationship has had it's ups and downs, the fights, the insecurities, me being convinced that he was SECRETLY HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THAT BITCH OFF THE RECEPTION DESK HERE BECAUSE HE S-P-O-K-E TO HER!, but aside from that, I can definitely say, 'Chip is my soulmate'!

I don't know where Major Evadne is just now. I can hear rapid slapping noises and some odd twanging sounds from the room next door. Is it him do you think?

Anyway, we're OK for transport as we still have the Waffle Bike.

Line the Pina Coladas up TTT!

These lovebirds are flying your way!

Yours, singing Barry White songs,

Professor Universe.


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Nitro


Member

Posted Sun Dec 20th, 2009 6:38am Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Dear Prof,

Firstly, congratulations on your new love affair.
Secondly, I find the entire thing entertainingly hilarious. Thank you for sharing with me. I spilled my fruity, pretty drink all over my lap boy.

Now, speaking of drinks, I think it important to inform that Pina Coladas are not native to Tahiti but rather Mexico. Do you remember Mexico?

No. I suppose you don't. You weren't exactly sober during our trip. Suffice it to say there are several villages still rebuilding themselves in our wake. Anyway, enough of that. The important thing is that you are happy. And Chris as well I guess.

Now, I believe if you go down to the London Bridge this Saturday around midnight there may be a man in a long, purple coat standing nearby. Actually, he'll probably be pacing. The important thing is that you accept his offer of safe transport. Consider it a honeymoon gift from me.

Also, don't let any thoughts of revenge on my part intrude in your mind. Just be cool, relax, and go with the flow. Tahiti is lovely and I look forward to the arrival of you and the very dense, but handsome, Chip. He is kind isn't he? There's so little kindness in the world. I don't blame you for getting your share my most dear Professor.

BTW, when you arrive in Tahiti do NOT allow any pink cab to pick you up. They charge outrageous fees and never stop asking questions. I don't have to avoid them at all. They do find cause to avoid me heh heheheheheheh...cough...sorry...my contemptible side sometimes does come out. But you so appreciate that aspect of me that I am sure that is part of the reason we became partners, aren't you?

Hug Chris for me. I'm sorry, I mean 'Chip'. And perhaps pinch his butt a little. I mean, if it's OK for me to pinch his butt that is. Anyway, so, the fire eater dance is starting and it's to die for! I must away!

Oh, before I forget. Please remember that I am tan now. I will, however, shave for your arrival so I don't appear too simian to Chip.

Remember the bridge and the purple coat. The man in it might be your only hope.

Love and kisses,
Triple T

Really? Wow.

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tito


Member *

Posted Sun Dec 20th, 2009 4:35pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Dear Triple T,

I've woken up with hangovers in a lot of seedy motels in a lot of countries with a lot of strange.....anyway, the point is I can't remember what I drank where and with Whoodle!

I'm happy to go with the Tahitian alternative to a Pina Colada. Actually paint stripper and lemonade would be a nice change. But I would expect a paper umbrella in it. This girl's got class!

Chip and myself are currently in relationship counselling. He just isn't answering to my demands fast enough and it needs to be addressed before the big day.

He's also a little on the 'Mean' side. When I mentioned buying my wedding dress he said 'What's wrong with your lab coat?'.

And then he said he'd been intending to just wear his Anger Management Centre Uniform!

Chip at work: http://auteurs_production.s3.amazonaws.com/stills/.....y_1960.jpg

This is going to be the best wedding I've ever had. After I discussed things with him, Chip is forking out for a pale pink frilled shirt and tuxedo for him. I'm going for a psychedelic jumpsuit to compliment it.

We'll look out for the contact on the bridge. Tell him I'll be wearing a sandwich board which will read, 'The end is nigh' on one side and the words 'Twatt belongs to me!' on the other.

So, rest assured, I'll keep it discreet.

Cuddles, Professor Universe


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tito


Member *

Posted Sun Dec 20th, 2009 4:39pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

P.S. I may need some fake ID making up. Could you take care of it? Enclosed is a snapshot of myself for you to use.

http://dvdspindoctor.typepad.com/jerry_lewis_dvd_r....._image.jpg

Mucho thanks, PU


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Maxx England


Member

Posted Wed Dec 23rd, 2009 10:05pm Post subject: Temporary posting place for secret plans to take over the world

Tito, Nitro, just what on earth is going on! I've working without respite, travelling endlessly, been talking to People, seeing what they have to give to help us make the world a better place for us and all of our Ubermensch brothers and sisters.

Just as the effort was beginning to bear fruit, Nitro goes off to drown himself in absurd cocktails and you, on the rebound from your husband's untimely demise, take up with some shameless fortune seeking young man! And on top of this, every day now, another Butte-Plugge arrives unannounced, and I'm running out of places to put them!

This is simply not good enough. Unless I receive credible confirmation of your continued dedication to god honest world domination, I shall be forced to tender my resignation from the entire enterprise. And you can find somewhere to put four dozen Butte-Pluggs!

Evadne

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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