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lovegrove7196


Member

Posted Thu Oct 30th, 2008 3:52am Post subject: "The 8th Cloud" - a poem by Samuel Lovegrove
Hi ^_^

Familial loss is something that everyone experiences and we all approach it in different ways, we all treat the aftermath differently too. My way was to respond by channelling my creativity. Like a poppy that grows from the ashes of war. This is a poem that I wrote about 2 years ago in response to the death of my Grandfather...

Please note, it talks about some rather down-beat subjects and I would like to reassure everyone that I am absolutely fine and dandy at the moment! I'm as happy as Larry (whoever this Larry dude is and why he is happy, I do not know). But yeah... please give it a read.

I just wanted to see if this poem resonates with anyone as much as it did me when I produced it. I just wanted to know what everyone here thinks of it. Don't be afraid to pick it apart... please... XD

Thanks for tuning in.

Sam.

...

The 8th Cloud

These walls feel too thin
Suddenly aware
That what roams up there
Feeds on death within
Inevitably…

Feels the slippage of life
Bleed in pools of sorrow
Scared about tomorrow
Content with pain and strife?
Possibly…

A certain something desires
A bit more darkness inside
As my eyes stretch wide and white
My tears extinguishing fires
Emotively…

The passage of life like white peaks
Now, a difficult path to ride
True, lacks of confidence inside
Boiling blood fills my cheeks, deep red
Anxiously…

They say ‘All is fair in love and war’
Often that is said, dry and in vain
To those who have felt death’s freezing rain
They’ll see, waiting ‘safe’ behind that door
Patronisingly…

Come join us here, we are so very high
We have penultimately reached cloud eight
Only one more step to master, we wait
For bereavement and angst to in itself, die
Infinitively…

We all look up high, with blurred eyes and no speech
Comprehension steps beyond your comfort zone
We unite as one, and yet we feel alone
The void never fills; is something we don’t teach
Knowledgably…

Death’s swipe has stained me deeply. Can’t help but cry, now
Not worth dwelling with friends or those that mean no harm
No matter how many words I sharpen to arm
Turn around, stare death in the face, smile, take a bow
Respectfully…

A Poem by Samuel Lovegrove

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amberzak


Member

Posted Thu Dec 11th, 2008 6:24pm Post subject: "The 8th Cloud" - a poem by Samuel Lovegrove
I really like it Sam. I will give it a more indepth read later, if you like, (when i haven't got to write a play) but from my quick read, it has some deep emotions in it and a nice rhythm.

Also *hugs*


XxX

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Gardenhead


Member

Posted Thu Dec 11th, 2008 9:43pm Post subject: "The 8th Cloud" - a poem by Samuel Lovegrove
It's criminal how many views all these poems get with no replies!

I thought this was wonderfully sad, although I feel that the single words that cap every stanza do slow proceedings down a bit. I know it's not exactly meant to be a jaunty ballad or anything like that, but I feel it would benefit from their loss. Or perhaps just the loss of the ellipses; I see that they are perhaps meant to give a reflective tone to the piece but... Well, that's just me. I suppose if you tore them out now the stanzas would lose their rivets.

A lovely, melancholy read nonetheless.

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amberzak


Member

Posted Thu Dec 11th, 2008 9:58pm Post subject: "The 8th Cloud" - a poem by Samuel Lovegrove
It's criminal how many views all these poems get with no replies!

I thought this was wonderfully sad, although I feel that the single words that cap every stanza do slow proceedings down a bit. I know it's not exactly meant to be a jaunty ballad or anything like that, but I feel it would benefit from their loss. Or perhaps just the loss of the ellipses; I see that they are perhaps meant to give a reflective tone to the piece but... Well, that's just me. I suppose if you tore them out now the stanzas would lose their rivets.

A lovely, melancholy read nonetheless.

I am trying to Persuade Sam (Lovegrove) to come join us at our other great forum.

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