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ysabella


Member

Posted Tue Jun 12th, 2007 11:37pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
Alright, Fryphile, *DING*

And you're Hugh Laurie. That adorable, hilarious blue-eyed comedian and actor adored by so many. A loving family, a respectable career, and the world is your oyster. And do you rest on your laurels? Oh, no!
You go to sleep one night, exhausted yet exhilarated from another long day's filming of House in sunny L.A.
But you wake up and you sense something is wrong. It's dim, and you realized you're tied up, maybe to a chair, in a dark place. You see a sliver of light, and a strange woman comes down some stairs, cackling and muttering to herself, bringing you a plate of Vienna sausages (a vile kind of canned hot dog in the States), instant mashed potatoes, and moldy cabbage. You've been kidnapped by a crazy fan! Is that a typewriter chained to your ankle? Is she muttering about Harry Potter? It's Terri that's got you, accidentally!
When she goes back up the stairs, you manage to work your way loose from your bonds and look around. You find an oar. Being Hugh Laurie, though, you know how useful those are! You charge up the stairs to make your escape, forced to whack the strange woman when she tries to claw at you on your way...only to find you're on an island. There's a boat, and you have an oar...but how will you find your way home? So you get in, and start rowing...and rowing...

I wish I didn't have to work all day.

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 1:48am Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
*ding* you dont have to work all day.... but you have to work all night



I wish my life was perfect....

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melampus


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 3:23am Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
[quote="ysabella"]Alright, Fryphile, *DING*

You find an oar. Being Hugh Laurie, though, you know how useful those are! You charge up the stairs to make your escape, forced to whack the strange woman when she tries to claw at you on your way...only to find you're on an island. There's a boat, and you have an oar...but how will you find your way home? So you get in, and start rowing...and rowing...quote]

So busy wiping the tears-of-laughter out of my eyes (where else?) that I almost missed the fact that Hugh only has one oar. So he'll end up rowing in circles, right? And one of his arms will get so hugely muscular that he'll become lopsided and develop a REAL, permanent limp due to the weight of this monstrous appendage ....

Goodness me, must get back to work.

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Betsie


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 3:33am Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
ALAKAZAM

You=Stephen Fry.

Now boobs scare the shit out of you. You might not think it's all bad, until aliens attack and destroy most of the world. Except for the Playboy mansion. So there you are, the last man on earth, surrounded by Playmates of the Month and their bouncing milk-filled horrors. Worse yet, you have to re-procreate the world. That means more yucky female bits. The thought sends you into a coma and the world dies.

X-D X-D OMG - I needed that guffaw today. Thanks Fryphile!

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Terri


Member

Posted Wed Jun 13th, 2007 9:23am Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
Alright, Fryphile, *DING*

a strange woman comes down some stairs, cackling and muttering to herself, It's Terri that's got you, accidentally!


OH bloody hell! What an image you paint of me ...

*goes off to open tin of Princes Hot Dogs and a packet of Smash ....*

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Britannicus


Member

Posted Thu Jun 14th, 2007 8:48pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
X-D X-D X-D X-D You guys are the best.

I wish my life was perfect....

BAMF!

Your life is now perfect. Roses never wilt before their time, people listen to every word you say with a respectful and honest attention, and the weather is always obliged to deliver whatever it is you happen to desire that day. You've found the most wonderful job and you don't hate any of your coworkers. In fact, your boss is your best friend. You've now settled down and are even ready to start a family.

Of course, one of the perks of having a perfect life is that you're able to alter or skip past whatever you may find unpleasant. Not long after Crazy_in_a_box junior pops up, you realize that you're not too fond of dirty diapers and screaming. Besides, this kid is so cute as a baby, you're finding yourself rather curious of what she'll look like when she's older. So you wave your little wand and -- BING -- she's instantly a six-year-old. No more stinky bottoms and plus, she's absolutely adorable. You're thrilled. Junior gets sent off to the best school possible, where she'll be shaped into a brilliant mind and invent the cure for cancer by the age of twelve.

After a while of being devoid of children, the house begins to seem far too quiet for your taste. You go to Mr. Crazy_in_a_box and tell him of your wishes to have more little ones. Only this time you figure that since Junior came out looking so nice, why not see what other sorts of combinations could come of this union? So you do your magic again and -- BING -- you're now expecting quadruplets. They're born with no difficulty and are all stunningly cute. But before long the strain of caring for so many newborns becomes too exhausting, so you decide to age some up again. Two of them become teenagers, one of them is ten, and the last only gets aged up a few months -- you don't want to miss out on the joys of teaching someone to walk and talk, after all.

But now that there're so many examples of what happens when you mix your genes with Mr. Crazy_in_a_box's, your eyes begin to wander. You wonder -- what would the kids of a union between yourself and Mr. Guy On the Corner look like? The cost of raising kids has never been an issue for you -- you can make your bank account grow at will -- so before you know it, you're pregnant again. And with triplets! They're born, but before long, stinky baby phase gets boring...

You soon find yourself in a house packed with four teenagers, two pre-teens, and one toddler. Your eldest child has now returned from school -- with three Nobel prizes in tow -- and really, things are starting to fill a bit cramped. And that's less than perfect, so you decide to mysteriously kill some of the less physically-appealing children. You don't really know them well (you've missed half their lives, after all), so you're not terribly bothered by it. Besides, the little graveyard looks rather cute in your front garden.

In other words, your life has turned into a giant Sims game and conciseness has never been my strong point.

I wish that I need only glance at a book once to completely know and understand its contents.

"Your room...it's CLEAN!!!"
"I prayed to God...and...it happened...but...where's my million dollars and horse!? Damn it!"

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Thu Jun 14th, 2007 10:12pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
Brittanicus you are a genious! hahahahahahahahah I loved your little tale, esp bringing in the Sims!

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Shyamz


Member

Posted Thu Jul 5th, 2007 9:17pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game

I wish that I need only glance at a book once to completely know and understand its contents.

ALASHAPALOOOOOOOOD!

You are the master of literary material. No book, no matter how deep and complex is a mystery to you any more.
Novels, plays, scientific journals, fiction or non, all can be absorbed and understood by you in a matter of seconds or less.

You know the characters, themes, settings, plots...all the writers intentions and ideas are clear to you in an instant, and your insight into the thoughts and styles of the worlds greatest writers makes you famous and revered throughout the land...







...as a zeppelin-brained superfreak.
Suddenly your reveiws and opinions are in demand worldwide, and a team of agents and lawers are assembled by your familly, to handle your apointments and arrange your personal appearences, all with the intent of using your skills to make money off you, like some sort of child chess prodigy.
When you are not working, you are kept locked in a room under the stairs, with nothing but a bare lightbulb and a chair, constantly been supplied with a barage of new material to learn...and only allowed out to be tested by university proffessors, to make sure you are still taking in all the material they give you.

Because of your isolation and the seaseless information intake, you develop nervous ticks, and the huge amount of information in your brain gradually absorbs any remaining traces of your own personality, and your brain gradually expands to the point that you are in constant pain from brain cysts and migraines, and you collapes from exaustion and a massive anureism.

...how bleak for you.

I wish I could find a job as a camerawoman

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boffinbabe12


Member

Posted Thu Jul 5th, 2007 9:44pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
Alakazam!
Whilst sifting through your fortnightly copy of Private Eye- you see an advertisement for a camerawoman for what they label as a "New Type Of Film". The criteria seems to fit you perfectly and you immediataly call up the number and ask for an interview. They take you down to the office right away where a short, balding man with a strange odour sits you down and begins firing questions at you.
"Are you okay for working in hot, sweaty conditions as are often present on film sets?"
"Yes" You reply
"We need people who do not embarrass easily and feel comfortable in all situations- is that you?"
"Yes!" you reply eagerly- all these things are perfectly you!

You get called on the way home telling you you have a job and they then give you an adress to come to on the following Monday.
You turn up and discover that you are working for Russell T Davies and you are the camerawoman for Doctor Who...
You get to meet David Tennant and John Barrowman and feel exhillirated from the best job you've ever had.
You return home on a buzz until you get called and are immediatly ordered to return to the office.
Someone had stolen the recording of the scenes you were filming and posted it on youtube- the only suspect is you.
You plea your case, but they refuse to believe you were framed.
You are fired on the spot and given such a bad name that the only place you can get work is in KFC where you turn to food for comfort.
You grow hugely obese and end up looking uglier than Meatloaf.
All your friends abandon you because eventually the novelty of free fried chicken wears off and your just an odourous blob of fat with little intelligence as most of your brain cells were destroyed by deep fat frying fumes.
You die alone.


I wish I could marry Frank-N-Furter from the Rocky Horror Show (if the character was real- and not dead in the film).....

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ysabella


Member

Posted Fri Jul 6th, 2007 11:54pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
...so one day you're out driving and get a flat tire, and suddenly Frank-N-Furter appears, saying, "So, you got a flat? Well. How 'bout that." He crooks his eyebrow menacingly, and you instantly become smitten. He takes you back to his castle, where you carry on a steamy love affair, peppered with kidnapping innocent passersby, decide to marry. It turns out that Transvestites have to go back to the home planet to marry, so you board a spacecraft and travel to Transsexual, Transylvania. After the stylish wedding, you settle down to live there in an adorable gothic castle-ette with roses 'round the door. Being wealthy Transvestitians, you settle in for a life of leisure. You are happy to be Mrs.Frank-N-Furter.

But as time passes, you come to realize that social events on this planet are all about sitting around and looking fabulous, and they bore you to tears. Everyone in your social circle tends to kidnap each other for sexy hijinks from time to time, but it's really all about preening and floating in the pool and not much real action. As time goes by, Frank-N-Furter becomes increasingly tiresome - he demands your help waxing his back and rouging his nipples, obsesses about nothing but the latest fabrics and shoes, and spends most of the day watching Bollywood movies while working out on his Fabuglider exercise device. The only trips you take are shopping trips to other systems to seek out the newest ornaments for his ever-more-outlandish ensembles. There are great restaurants all over but Frank-N-Furter is terrified of gaining an ounce and will only eat tofu, so he won't go with you.

You are looking fabulous yourself, but getting very bored. When you try greeting Frank-N-Furter at the door wrapped in nothing but cellophane after he's been at the clinic having his Botox injections all day, instead of having carnal thoughts he shrieks "That's a MARVELOUS look! I'm going to have to order some blue cellophane. Or do you think I would look better in green? Do they make glittery cellophane?"

And all you can do is:

~ fin ~

I wish my house would paint itself, and my yard would weed itself.

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Sat Jul 7th, 2007 12:04am Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
*Kerblam!*

Your house and garden transfom into the domestic equivalant of Fantasia, with the paint pots and brushes queing up and marching inside your house and painting all of the walls, then out into your garden to paint the outside of your house... the lawnmower chops the grass and shears clip your hedges... your house and garden looks amazing.

However, things dont stop. all of a sudden the paint brushes start moving on to the doors and the windows and the furniture, they start painting anything in sight.... the shears start clipping at your curtains and then into your wardrobe, cutting up your clothes. the lawn mower starts eating up your carpet! before you know it your house is a shambles and you are backed into a corner with all the tools heading directly for YOU!


I wish I controlled time!

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boffinbabe12


Member

Posted Sat Jul 7th, 2007 3:37pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
SHAPOW!
You can officially control time with your left hand thanks to a freak occurence in your molecular structure after eating a lemon chicken sandwich! Things are great- you sleep whenever you want, you never miss the train or bus, you never get nagged at for taking so long to get ready and you have officially no need for Sky+ ever again! If your boyfriend forces you to watch a boring movie- you fast forward it.... Said the wrong thing? Erase and rewind! It's all perfect- in fact you feel as though you can control the world and not just time.

That is until your time controlling gets to your head and you begin abusing it- like using it to queue jump people whilst your waiting to purchase your copy of the latest Harry Potter book.

Just as your about to pay the heavily overpriced £16.99 for the 700 page book; everyone and everything around you stops. You did not do this and you get slightly scared. That is when a man wearing a tuxedo and dark glasses taps you on the shoulder- he is from the BWwWD- or the Bernard's Watch Wannabe's Watch Dog. He tears off your time controlling hand and sews it onto the body of the angry person behind you. He then disappears whilst a six year old with a motive begins to punch and slap you whilst the rest of the world remains oblivious.
You return home with bruises and one hand. You are forced to use squeezy marmite and can only type with one hand making it near impossible to write any lengthy messages on the Stephen Fry Forum.


I wish I owned an Irish wristwatch.....





either that or I wish I was a foot taller.

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Crazy_in_a_box


Member

Posted Sat Jul 7th, 2007 9:02pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
SHAPOW!
You can officially control time with your left hand thanks to a freak occurence in your molecular structure after eating a lemon chicken sandwich! Things are great- you sleep whenever you want, you never miss the train or bus, you never get nagged at for taking so long to get ready and you have officially no need for Sky+ ever again! If your boyfriend forces you to watch a boring movie- you fast forward it.... Said the wrong thing? Erase and rewind! It's all perfect- in fact you feel as though you can control the world and not just time.

That is until your time controlling gets to your head and you begin abusing it- like using it to queue jump people whilst your waiting to purchase your copy of the latest Harry Potter book.

Just as your about to pay the heavily overpriced £16.99 for the 700 page book; everyone and everything around you stops. You did not do this and you get slightly scared. That is when a man wearing a tuxedo and dark glasses taps you on the shoulder- he is from the BWwWD- or the Bernard's Watch Wannabe's Watch Dog. He tears off your time controlling hand and sews it onto the body of the angry person behind you. He then disappears whilst a six year old with a motive begins to punch and slap you whilst the rest of the world remains oblivious.
You return home with bruises and one hand. You are forced to use squeezy marmite and can only type with one hand making it near impossible to write any lengthy messages on the Stephen Fry Forum.


I wish I owned an Irish wristwatch.....





either that or I wish I was a foot taller.

*BING-A-BOOM*

BOTH of your wishes are granted....

you own an Irish wrist watch, you love how green and pretty it is - it always seems to work well with what you are wearing. HOWEVER, what you were unaware of is Irish TIME. In Ireland, everything slows down so that when someone says "I'll be with ya in a min" its an hour before you see them, "I'll be home about 6" means "I'll see you in the morning" and "do you want to meet up tomorrow?" means "See ya sometime next week". before you know it you are running to a completly different time to everyone else!

You have also grown a foot taller.... however that is in the literal sense. you now have a foot ontop of another - FOUR feet! you look really really odd and you need to spend twice as much on shoes.

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seasun545


Member

Posted Sat Jul 7th, 2007 11:57pm Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
People, Britannicus, this is the best thread ever!!!; thanks so much!!!, you are all genious!!!, I´be been laughing so hard I bet my neighbours must be saying """"nice""""things about my mother!!! X-D X-D

Sorry, but feel no able to reach your level!!! :-//

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boffinbabe12


Member

Posted Sun Jul 8th, 2007 12:03am Post subject: The Ruin A Wish Game
Crazy- that's brilliant, but what's your wish?

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