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fryfan20


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 2:08pm Post subject: things that are going on
I twitter a lot and like it, the downside is that some stuff are just to complicated to explain in a tweet or 2.

so I'll try and do it here.

it's my sister, she's pregnant but just little over 2 weeks ago she had a echo made and there where some concerns, so she was sent to another hospital and they agreed that it could be a problem so she got sent to 3th hospital and they did some more test and explained what it could be and she had to come back later in that week. it was all explained to me and told that if it was as bad as they thought that they probably would terminate the pregnancy. all though I always thought that I was pro-choice something broke in my the moment they said that, how could she ? but I didn't day anything because I knew that the rest didn't share my feelings and I could and still can't really explain where it came from. I mean I understand why it is sometimes the best thing to do and I do believe that everybody is free to make there own choice but there is nothing reasonable about my feelings on this. it;s just a very strong feeling that this is wrong. later that week came good news, it all wasn't as bad as expected and it would all be fine. I was very happy as was everyone else.
the day later however she had to see a doctor and he (who wasn't very nice to her) told her once more about the risks and that there was a possibility that the child would be disabled and that it could be quite serious, now she was brought back in doubt.
yesterday I went with my mum to my sister to do something and we did do something fun to distract her a bit from everything.I first wasn't sure I should come with because maybe she just wanted to be with our mum for a wile but mum told me to come with and that she would like it if I did. so I came with.
then when her son was brought to bed, sister broke and in tears she said that she didn't want the child, not now she knew that it could be disabled but the problem was that her husband didn't agree, he is a optimist and thinks that all will work out. I was sad and angry with her for that but kept my mouth shot and tried to be there for her. she shut my out completely and mum kicked my out. that really hurt me. I mean I had to go over my own feelings to support her anyway (mum knew this) and she wouldn't even let me be there for her.
now I am really hurt, also because it looks like she will go though with it anyway, in the end it is her choice, and if I say anything to her I am sure that she will just hate me for it.

I hope this makes any sense.

EDIT: oh and with this comes that it is insanely busy at work and there is a lot of pressure to do work faster and better, this isn't helping

I am what I am

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PamJH


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 2:21pm Post subject: things that are going on
I'm sorry this is happening to your family. And you're right, it is her decision along with her husband's. But that doesn't mean you can't have an opinion on the matter. I feel badly for all of you. This is very difficult. Your sister and her husband must now be wondering exactly how handicapped the child would be, do they have the emotional and financial resources to handle it and a host of of other questions.

I wish I could say something more comforting than this.
Pam

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Occy


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 4:10pm Post subject: things that are going on
That sucks. It is her choice as you said, and perhaps your feelings came through by you not saying anything. Perhaps you need to go see her and say explicity "I will stand by you, whatever you choose to do" and just leave it at that.

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fryfan20


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 4:35pm Post subject: things that are going on
thank you both very much.

I am what I am

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PamJH


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 5:09pm Post subject: things that are going on
You're welcome, my friend.

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Midsomerlover


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 5:47pm Post subject: things that are going on
I'm so very sorry. It's never nice to hear such things, especially when they put the parents in front of such a decision.

I really hope that everything turns out fine. For you, your sister and your family.


@midsomerlover on Twitter.

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andrealein


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 5:56pm Post subject: things that are going on
I don't have any advice how to act best. But I want to tell you that I do feel with you and hope that everything will take a turn for better and that you can be there for your sister. Try not to be hurt. They're all in a tough situation, I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you and your sister is happy when you're by her side. *hugs*

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fryfan20


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 6:59pm Post subject: things that are going on
thanks you all for your sweet messages not only here but also on twitter, means a lot to me.

I have thought about it a long time but I think I can support her what ever she will do. I might not agree with it but this is hard enough for her without me disagreeing.
I certainly am not judge her for it and I can understand why she would do it. I think that she will do it because she is feeling very strongly about it and I think she thinks that she couldn't life with it if there is something really wrong, now she can do something to prevent harm for everyone.

the best thing that I can do now is make sure that I stay sane and okay, I'm not worth anything to anybody if I lose it now. they have enough to deal with now.
so I'll take care of me as good as I can and be there for her when she is ready to let me in.

I am what I am

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Help


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 7:17pm Post subject: things that are going on
Aww FryFan, so sorry to hear you've not been too good lately!
I'm glad you told us.
Aslong as your sister knows you love her, it shouldn't matter about a difference of opinion.
Please try not to worry about this too much, what with your stressful job and everything, I know that's easier said than done but I just want to make sure you're okay!
*hugs*

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ginj


Member *

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 7:43pm Post subject: things that are going on

I have thought about it a long time but I think I can support her what ever she will do. I might not agree with it but this is hard enough for her without me disagreeing.
I certainly am not judge her for it and I can understand why she would do it. I think that she will do it because she is feeling very strongly about it and I think she thinks that she couldn't life with it if there is something really wrong, now she can do something to prevent harm for everyone.
This sounds good. I think you have thought very hard about this, and it is wonderful that you are such a caring and involved sister. i am sure your support no matter what she decides will be appreciated. And if you need to air something out or just need some strength, you can always come here or twitter.

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fryfan20


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 7:48pm Post subject: things that are going on
thank help and Ginj.

this probably won't be the last you hear from me on this.

I am what I am

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Julia from Bristol


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 8:18pm Post subject: things that are going on
Like everyone else FF no words I say can give a solution to a very sad situation. I agree with the others that your sister does need you & will be so glad you are there for her. Emotions are riding very high at the moment for all of you so try to see it all a from a little step back.

You know that you can always come to the forum with whatever & there will always be someone to listen. We may not have answers but we do have tons of hugs!

I have a cunning plan!

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Mister


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 10:37pm Post subject: things that are going on
Almost the exact same thing happened with my brother and sister in law some three years ago. They decided to "get rid of" the child. I have always also though of myself as pro choice, but when I learned that I wasn't getting a nephew after all, I got so upset that I asked my brother how he could kill his own child, it took me about three seconds to realize what a horrid thing this was to say, and how much worse it had to be for him and my sister in law than for me. I apologized immediately and we talked about it, and he forgave me for that, and I understood why they couldn't have the child. The could not afford it, they would have needed to move, my brother would have needed to give up his dreams, and my sister in law to quit school. So even though it is hard, and every day on the day my nephew was supposed to have been born, I feel nauseous and sad, I am glad I ended up supporting my brother, because he felt guilty and depressed about it to, and I was the only he could talk to. I was the only one who knew about the child in the first place, as they hadn't gotten around to tellin mum and dad yet. Some time ago they got pregnant again, and that child died a natural death 4 months into the pregnancy. I took my brother out for drinks some time later, and we talked about how awesome the child would have been. And a little after that, we started talking about how great it will be when they finally get a child. So I know how hard it must be for all of you, but I am so glad I could be there for my brother (and sister in law of course), and by talking about my doubts about it with him, he could explain to me why they had to do it and now I understand completely.

Don't know if this help any at all, but I feel with you and the rest of your family.

Beautiful thing, the destruction of words.

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fryfan20


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 10:47pm Post subject: things that are going on
thank you julia and mister.

I am sorry to hear that I am not alone in this but also glad in a way.

thank you mister for sharing that

I am what I am

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Mister


Member

Posted Sun Apr 26th, 2009 10:55pm Post subject: things that are going on
thank you julia and mister.

I am sorry to hear that I am not alone in this but also glad in a way.

thank you mister for sharing that

I know how you feel about being glad for not being alone. And I am only glad if it could help a smidgen...

Beautiful thing, the destruction of words.

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