Topic RSS | Reply to topic
Author Post

PamJH


Member

Posted Wed Mar 4th, 2009 7:20pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
This is something I wrote to while away the time until the tweets are back in full force. Broadway and the West End aren't returning my calls for some reason. Must be everyone's at lunch. Numbers were correct at the time I posted this.

Twitterpated: A short play

Characters:
Lula: a young woman
Ma: Ma
Pa: Pa
Scene: Living room, two doors, one window. Ma sits in profile on a floral love seat, absorbed in her laptop. Pa sits in a worn armchair, fiddling with his Kindle.

Ma: (sighs) I sure wish I could find that recipe for possum jelly. Sally Ann had it served at her funeral and her girl won’t give up the recipe.
Pa: It tasted awful, anyway. Don’t know why you worry about topping her. She’s dead. (Twists the Kindle this way and that)
Ma: I’ll just google something else if that’s the way you feel.
Pa: Sure, sure. (smacks the Kindle) Can’t see a thing in this light.
Ma: You should have downloaded the audiobook from iTunes.
Pa: Unintelligible grousing.
Lula: (bursts into the room, staring at her iPhone) Ma! Pa! I just got tweeted!
Pa: Tweeted? Who tweeted you? Ma, get my 12-gauge.
Ma: You sold that 12-gauge to buy a Coleco.
Pa: Well, get me something. Nobody’s tweeting my daughter and getting away with it.
Lula: (leans forward over the back of the sofa so her head is level with her mother’s) Look, Ma. He tweeted me. Me! Personally!
Ma: Who is this man?
Lula: (rapturously) Stephen Fry. And I only had to tweet him 116 times to get tweeted back.
Pa: That does it. In my day, we didn’t so much as email a girl without a 3-way conference call with her parents. Who’s this Stephen Fry, anyway?
Lula: (moans) He’s a...he’s just...he’s everything!
Ma: You tweeted this man 116 times?
Lula: Oh, at least.
Pa: He’s not getting away with this. Any man thinks he’s tweeting my daughter and getting off scot-free. Where is he?
Lula: Mexico.
Ma & Pa: Mexico!
Lula: Oh, yes, He can tweet me anywhere.
Pa: (again) That does it. This Stephen Fry’s got another think coming if he...
Lula: (looking at her phone) Oh, no!
Ma: What is it, girl?
Lula: He’s on a boat. He won’t be able to tweet for days.
Pa: Tweet and run. Well, that does it. Ma, call the police.
Ma: If he’s run off to Mexico we’ll never find him.
Lula (crying) Six days! I can’t go six days without being tweeted!
Ma: (typing furiously on her laptop) Wait a minute. She’s not the only one he’s done wrong. Says here he’s got 260,300 on a string. And he says he can’t tweet anyone for days.
Pa: What’s he got to do? Rest up after tweeting all those women?
Ma: Men, too.
Lula: (sobs uncontrollably)
Pa: What!
Ma: (still typing) This Stephen Fry’s got a Web site...and a forum...what’s this Fry-a-Day...jumpin’ jiminy...a wetsuit... (Ma stares at the screen)
Pa: Ma, what’s wrong/
Ma: I never seen such a man.
Pa: Thanks.
Ma: He’s (types wildly)...so tall...and has blue eyes...
Pa: Ma!
Ma: Don’t call me Ma. Call me...HotsyTot.
Pa: But Ma...
Ma: Don’t bother me. I’m tweeting Stephen!
Pa: Don’t!
Ma: I’m his 260,301st follower.
Pa: Ma! Ma!
Curtain

Back to top

Fryphile


Member *

Posted Wed Mar 4th, 2009 8:23pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
ROFL I smell a Tony.

*kicks Baldrick out*

Yep, still smell him.

I think of myself as someone who is filled with love, whose only purpose in life was to achieve love. - Stephen Fry

Back to top

PamJH


Member

Posted Wed Mar 4th, 2009 9:17pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
ROFL I smell a Tony.

*kicks Baldrick out*

Yep, still smell him.

Yes, I whiffed something when I was writing it. I wondered what it was.:-D

Back to top

ginj


Member *

Posted Thu Mar 5th, 2009 8:03pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
X-D X-D X-D
Fantastic. I love it.
Oh come on, please there has to be a second act. Please?

Back to top

PamJH


Member

Posted Thu Mar 5th, 2009 8:47pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
I would write a second act, but I'm afraid Ma will find Stephen, launch herself at him and throw them both overboard. Ma can be shark food, but we do need to keep our Mr. Fry around for a very long time.

Glad you liked it. Just a silly bit of nonsense that was fun to write.

Back to top

ginj


Member *

Posted Thu Mar 5th, 2009 9:05pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
I would write a second act, but I'm afraid Ma will find Stephen, launch herself at him and throw them both overboard. .
Ooh, if you ever hear back from Broadway or the West End, may I please play Ma? C.mon, I'm one of the few females on here that is old enough to pull it off. Mr. Fry will, of course, have to play himself. We will throw ourselves overboard and disappear together into the bright lights of Broadway. :-//

Back to top

PamJH


Member

Posted Thu Mar 5th, 2009 9:55pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
I would write a second act, but I'm afraid Ma will find Stephen, launch herself at him and throw them both overboard. .
Ooh, if you ever hear back from Broadway or the West End, may I please play Ma? C.mon, I'm one of the few females on here that is old enough to pull it off. Mr. Fry will, of course, have to play himself. We will throw ourselves overboard and disappear together into the bright lights of Broadway. :-//

Now wait just one blasted minute. I am also old enough to be Ma. And I'm so ungraceful I would tip the boat over on the first take (if it were a movie, I guess, so maybe take is the wrong word), thereby saving millions in production costs.

But then again, I don't really like deep water and I've watched too many Bond movies to like sharks. So maybe I'll just direct. Consider yourself casted (no pun intended).

Back to top

ginj


Member *

Posted Thu Mar 5th, 2009 10:06pm Post subject: Twitterpated: A short play
Thanks a lot for the casting, Pam. I think that Mr. Fry and I will have to do this part over and over and over...

And now a more sarcastic thanks...ever since seeing this post I have that the Bee Gee's song Nights on Broadway stuck in my head. Aaaaah. X-D Help. Maybe London's West End is a better idea.

Back to top