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ClareBear


Moderator

Posted Sun Sep 9th, 2007 10:11pm Post subject: Um, well...
just for when you want to *keyboardsmash*, then sling your keyboard through your TV.

might be useful, might not be. This is all John Steed's idea. And ruthy's. And Seasun's.

see?

http://stephenfry.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=34942#34942

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melampus


Member

Posted Mon Sep 10th, 2007 2:23am Post subject: Um, well...
I saw a similar sort of an idea on another forum. The thread is called "Dear Blank" and people use it to write little notes to whomever and whatever they want, including themselves. Some of the letters are words of thanks, or abuse, or prayer ... I am happy to oblige you with a 'Dear Blank' right now.

Dear Cretin who thought it would be hilarious to make an obscene comment as I walked past you eating some sushi on the way to the movie last Thursday,

Who do you think you are, talking to me like that? How would you like it if someone talked to your mother like that, or to your sister? Why must you behave in this way? Why do you think it's cool to snigger with your mates? Does the testosterone have turn you into an ugly fool? I'm sure you were a nice little boy once, maybe not so long ago.

You fucking coward, I bet you wouldn't talk to me like that if you were alone. Which you probably are... "I have a [blank-blank blank blank], you want?" is not exactly the greatest ever pick-up line, you know.

You are a knuckle-dragging troglodyte. I bet your mouth is bigger than your dick. I wish I could have planted one of my big black shiny shit-kicking boots right between your testicles. I hope you live a short, sad, squalid existence and then rid this Earth of your foul pestilence forever. Be gone, you scummy scumbo scum.

Yours sincerely,

Slight, shy woman in black jacket and aforementioned kick-ass boots just minding her business last Thursday

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Mon Sep 10th, 2007 6:38pm Post subject: Um, well...
I thought the zero room was a rose coloured area of negative space in the TARDIS which aided regeneration, which got jettisoned to avoid Event One. Did it end up here?

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ClareBear


Moderator

Posted Mon Sep 10th, 2007 9:16pm Post subject: Um, well...
Yup. I stole it.

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Red Raven


Member

Posted Tue Sep 11th, 2007 7:52pm Post subject: Um, well...
I like the idea of "Dear Blank", I'll make it short.

Dear Creepy Lady,
Today was the second day in a row that I noticed you staring at me. That's saying a lot considering I was so tired yesterday that I was seeing through Monet eyes. You sat on your bench staring at me with some creepy dreamy expression on your face. I just assumed you were bored at first until you followed me inside and stood frightingly close to my ass.

Let me make something clear, I have nothing against lesbianism, lesbians or gays in general. Two of my best mates are a lesbian couple and I love them both dearly. The problem that I am having with your behavior is that I've been there done that with stalkers. This "school" I work at and you get your education at is a cesspool for stalkers. If you decide to keep this up you will be my 3rd stalker in the 6 years I've been here. You probably think I'm jumping to conclusions but trust me, you are the same person in different skin. You all act the same. You creep me out and that is why I will take my smoke breaks at a different side of the building until I've lost you completely. If you happen to follow me home like the others, I will have you killed. In fact, I might just do it myself after I mind-fuck you for kicks.

I only want to be left alone. I don't want friends, lovers or aquiantances. I just want to get from day to day with as little drama as possible.

Concerned,
That girl that kinda looks like she's gay (me)

P.S. you're calves are completely out of proportion with the rest of your body. It reminds me of popeye.

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ysabella


Member

Posted Wed Sep 12th, 2007 8:07pm Post subject: Um, well...
Dear animal who lived under my house last winter,

We are locking you out this year, capiche? That's after $300 worth of heating duct repairs because you scratched and jumped on them so they were disconnected and we stopped getting heat in our bedroom and bathroom, because you were getting it all. Now that everything is fixed, I'm making sure all the vents are well-screened so you can't get in again.

Good riddance,
ysabella

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Shyamz


Member

Posted Thu Sep 13th, 2007 11:24pm Post subject: Um, well...
To the WANKER next door who can't just TURN HIS MOTORBIKE ENGINE OFF WHEN HE ARRIVES HOME...LIKE A NORMAL PERSON...and leaves it on for ages, as if he's announcing to the whole world that he's home...the TWAT.

And-deliberatly I feel-leaves it running for ages when he pulls up outside his house...JUST TURN THE FUCKING KEY!!!!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???!!!!

And sometimes (yes it's not just when he's leaving for somewere, and turns it on and rev-ves it for ages without going anywere), he comes home, and rides up and down to the garages and back, so his FUCKING CHILDREN CAN SCREAM WITH EXITEMENT AND FOLLOW HIM ON THEIR LITTLE FUCKING TRAINGING WHEEL-CLAD BIKES, WITH THEIR LITTLE FUCKING BELLS ON, SQUEELING LIKE THEY'RE FUCKING SIMPLE.

Word of advice mate...it's sad enough when people try to impress the opposite sex by doing that sad shit...but doing it to impress a bunch of wailing, shreiking, slightly odd children...THAT. IS. BEYOND. PATHETIC.

In fact...it's the saddest thing on Earth. You fucking PRICK.


There, hope that adds to the Rant Room collection.

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Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Fri Sep 14th, 2007 1:18am Post subject: Um, well...
Dear animal who lived under my house last winter,

We are locking you out this year, capiche? That's after $300 worth of heating duct repairs because you scratched and jumped on them so they were disconnected and we stopped getting heat in our bedroom and bathroom, because you were getting it all. Now that everything is fixed, I'm making sure all the vents are well-screened so you can't get in again.

Good riddance,
ysabella

hope it's not an armadillo. those are bitches to catch.
probably not.... that must have been a cozy critter.

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Soupy Twist


Member

Posted Sat Sep 15th, 2007 1:33pm Post subject: Um, well...
Dear owner of the bloody dog in whose turd I stepped today dodging a man who was transporting a washing machine! You may be interested to learn that most of your dog's excrement was well hidden under the leaves which stuck to my shoe and which I had to remove with my hand, thus ending up with my hand full of your dog's crap and with no possibility to wash and disinfect it. But then, people like you who let their dogs shit wherever they please without removing the turds never think of other people, do they? I only wish someone would crap on your doorstep every now and then.

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ratoutofhell


Member

Posted Sat Sep 15th, 2007 5:43pm Post subject: Um, well...
To everyone who was walking around Bedford town centre this morning:

LOOK WHERE YOU'RE DAMN WELL GOING!

I am sick of having to dodge you morons every time I walk down the High Street - I'm not fucking invisible, so try getting out of my damn way once in a while, instead of walking around completely oblivious to everything around you. And if one more of you pushes a sodding pushchair straight at me and expects me to leap into the road to get out of your way... I will not be responsible for my actions.

And one more thing. The pedestrian lights at the top of the High Street DON'T CHANGE UNLESS YOU PRESS THE BUTTON. You can stand there for hours watching the traffic if you want, but really, if you want to cross the road, you need to be a bit more proactive about it. Cretins.

I feel better now

"If you are dirty, insignificant and unloved then rats are the ultimate role model" - Banksy

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Soupy Twist


Member

Posted Sat Sep 15th, 2007 5:57pm Post subject: Um, well...
Me too, clean hands and all.

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The Oracle


Member

Posted Mon Sep 17th, 2007 7:22pm Post subject: Um, well...
Wow and I thought it was just me that thought like that about other people and the annoying things they do. This is great. Nothing to say at the mo tho, on a high YIPEE but not looking forward to the down BOO. Keep this up it's better than a book I love it

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ysabella


Member

Posted Mon Sep 17th, 2007 9:29pm Post subject: Um, well...
I always say, for people who don't pick up their dog's turds, why not teach the dog to crap directly in your mouth? It leaves the place cleaner for everyone else, and frankly, you deserve it.

This holds double for people on my bike path, where there are free doggy-doo bags and trash cans. If you still can't clean up after your dog, you should be forced to clean 100 yards of trail with your tongue.

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Fryphile


Member *

Posted Mon Sep 17th, 2007 10:44pm Post subject: Um, well...
Dear tomato:

Why you gotta be like that? I mean, I'm trying to make a salad here and you just go and shit tomato turds all over. Not cool, dude. Seriously. All you have to do is behave. Behave, bitch. It's not hard. Just befuckinghave. But no. You gotta start some shit. Not in my salad you don't. Nuh-uh. So why don't you take your vegetable-wannabe arse and GTFO.

Respectfully up yours,
Stephen

p.s. Oh, cucumber, you did not just look at me like that . . .

I think of myself as someone who is filled with love, whose only purpose in life was to achieve love. - Stephen Fry

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Red Raven


Member

Posted Tue Sep 18th, 2007 12:09am Post subject: Um, well...
Edit: Oh my :-//

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