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IambicMess


Member

Posted Tue Feb 23rd, 2010 1:10pm Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

Just a little sonnet for my girlfriend's card, but I quite liked it what you reckon?

The Statue and the Sea

There is a statue on the shore, within
A cove. Its weathered face, once sad, is now
Serene, for gentle, opal waves have worn
Flat and forever smoothed the lines that creased
The statue's mournful, granite brow. Cold eyes
Envisioned by an artist to penetrate
The mists of antiquity now gaze upon
The whispering brine that tamed their savagery.

And oh! the waves that such a peace could bring
None but the statue hears them sing.
Eyes of stone, alone, are fortunate enough
To watch the sunlight falling from above
Dispersed in sprightly speckles on the water.
The statue stares transfixed, as if in love.


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tito


Member *

Posted Tue Feb 23rd, 2010 2:38pm Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

It's lovely.

My husband is a dirty limerick kind of man.


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IambicMess


Member

Posted Wed Feb 24th, 2010 1:29pm Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

Thanks muchly I'm saving the real dirt for our 2nd valentine's day.


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ladyfromhamburg


Member

Posted Thu Feb 25th, 2010 9:00am Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

Hello lambicMess,

I like your sonnet very much. I'm always rather impressed when a writer of poetry is able to make me 'see' the things - and as I'm a bit romantic I also like how it ends


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IambicMess


Member

Posted Thu Feb 25th, 2010 9:31am Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

Hello ladyfromhamburg,

I'm glad you liked the poem, I was trying for a conceit that was 'nice' and romantic but not too saccharine: as my poetry is usually black as hell, that was a challenge.

Thanks again!


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oliverpothecary


Member

Posted Thu Feb 25th, 2010 6:46pm Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

I liked this poem, I find it hard to write anything but Haiku! (www.oliverpothecary.wordpress.com for examples) . I would say maybe leave it for a week then reread and just tighten that first stanza a little (only a little). But this is good and I enjoyed it!

www.oliverpothecary.wordpress.com

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ladyfromhamburg


Member

Posted Thu Feb 25th, 2010 10:40pm Post subject: Valentine's Day Poem

@LambicMess

Do you know that I had to smile a lot about your commentary (to Tito and to me)?
So what I'm imagining now is:
1st year : the nice one (nice but not too saccharine, with a pinch of romance
2nd year : we start with dirty poems
3rd year (and the following) : Poetry bad as hell, yeah!

@oliverpothecary

Hello!. Read the post where you introduced yourself a bit.
I can tell you that I also needed a bit more than a year till I finally joined the forum (but read the blog and lurked a bit around).
Welcome to you.


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