In one day
On a day when love seemed impossible
The sun shined and bathed the earth in a heat that made its people rejoice and wear all their pretty colours
The flowers stretched out their petals as I walked by them
(it was an effort even to walk)
Their petals waving into my face and from the centre, where they all met together, there grew little heads, little smiling faces that intruded into my personal space
Inane grins
And infectious laughter
That did not reach me but left a mark nonetheless
I could not escape the way that parents held their children in their hands and lifted them into space
And their bliss became them, defined them, and they ceased to be anything else except their infernal, unthinking bliss
I, amongst all this with the secret knowledge that the world could not survive knowing
I, the one person in the whole world that knows the truth
I, burdened with the fear and blinding contempt for all and everything
I, a fallen raindrop that refuses to be sucked up by the sun
I, who cling to my own obscurity that none of this can take from me
And it is me who runs as if escaping some sort of Hollywood ball of flame behind me that threatens my existence
And everyone holds their breath (except this time no one diverts their eyes to see me)
Because I might not make it
But then I do
They always do
Isn’t that how it is I tell myself
But no, because this is real life complete with real truths and real pain
Surrounded in the unreal, the untouchable existence of others
Perhaps it’ll all go away if I stop thinking and just keep running
To keep running
Is not to think
On a day when my life seemed to crumble
My own eyes viewing the pieces of my head falling by the wayside
And three colours filled my eyes as if to embody my life
Red blue black
And then began to fade
All at once I was on top of a cliff feeling the air plunging upwards paralysing my physical sensations and freezing my mind into a state of deadening inertia
I was under the sea, at the very bottom where nothing lives, only freakish remnants of nightmares, and there I lay, the pressure of the world blowing out my ears until there was only ringing to be heard
I was in the centre of a candle held up by the frightened man who investigated a disturbance in the middle of the night, and I burned and cringed with fear for I knew the events that were to unfold in a sea of bloody hell fire
I need to gain a grip on reality
Or I need to let go
I don’t know which would do more damage to me
For in the church of poisoned lovers who deserves the most pity
The one who was driven to watch the only thing they ever gave their heart to
(or ever would again)
Die at their own hands
Or the one who never even knew
Who held within those doomed eyes
A picture of the only thing they ever gave their heart to
(or ever could again)
And just die anyway
Meaning nothing
I tell you none of these hypothetic dilemmas or hours of musing can save you or me or anyone
Reality does not call for you do the right thing
You just need to live it and die it
Sorry
--------------------
Footsteps through the leaves
Walk we shall, through woodland retreats
Lost in our lifeless melancholy,
To recognise in falling leaves our pain
We hoped would be washed away by rain.
Our footsteps old, our minds so much older,
We do not shiver as the night air grows colder
For this is our home, this autumn decay
A world that longs to be washed away:
How the lark cries, full of sorrow
Pining for all that will be destroyed tomorrow,
The trees giving way to the wind's every breath
Withering and lonely in this season long death.
Hope is not written on your boughs, dear tree,
Nor do the butterflies look like they are free
To fly wherever they please
Caught in the net of autumn's fierce breeze.
I cannot cheer you, anymore than I can cheer my soul,
I cannot give what sadness stole
For in my heart there is no light
It exists like you, in eternal night.
I leave my mark here, a path for all to see,
An impression like the one my love left on me,
And although I will keep walking, soon to be gone,
As the world tumbles down those footsteps live on.
-----------
Dark waters
A death so hard to take
Your corpse still talks, still walks around
You're free to do as you please
To love faithful, colourful whores
Perhaps it's me that died
Sorrow - a return to that romantic vision
Of deep and seated melancholy
That presides in the hearts of true lovers -
That I can take,
Dark waters so frequently travelled...
It's only this
SICK INSANE FUCKING PHYSICAL
NEED
For you
That I cannot stand,
That keeps me forever rolling in the night
Hoping to embrace the madness so deep in my soul
To create an illusion of your heavenly skin
Your strong limbs
That could crush me to pieces
Go on
But you never come
There's just nothing
There's nothing
Just nothing
But me
I walk along the bridge (everyday)
Were we supposed to meet here? Some other time?
In different bodies?
Life slows down here
The pace of those dark waters
A morbid lullaby for the soul
A field of tongues...
We'll meet here
Another day
The parade of the excruciating divine that never ceases to celebrate in my mind's eye
It drives me to insomnia
A dream too real
Dark waters wash life clean below
My white skin
I would have preferred a thunderstorm -
A blackened sky, but all of it is friendly blue
We shall lie together again
Fragmentation
Slowing down
Who said I wanted to be put back together
So fast
I look down at myself
And I look up at me
Are you happier down there?
Does the world look any different,
Now that you drift eternally?
Looks like he's late
You never were that good at psychosis
@dreamingshadow
