STEPHEN FRY

I'm not sure where to begin with this. so I will begin where my hero Stephen always begins, with a apology and a thank you. the apology is for the nagging that follows soon and the thank you is for hearing (well reading) it and for being just a great bunch of people and that have been so kind in the past.

the reason that I come here with my 'problems' is because talking to my parents about seems impossible.don't really know why, it just does. and going to friends now is also not a option because they have enough problems of there own. so you are my third choice (don't feel bad about it, it's nothing personal).

the thing is that I have been thinking a lot about what the purpose of my life is and that depresses my because I come up with, there is no purpose, no reason or benefit to the rest of the world. on the moment life just seems to be difficult and exhausting. and yes there are good things but there is just no balance any more between the good and bad, bad wins easily. not only in my personal life but also in the world in general, everything seems rotten and people just seem to hate another. I am jealous of people that believe (in God or anything else) because they have a pretty clear idea about the reason for it all and find comfort in the knowledge that everything is going to be all right. (and it does not matter whether it is real or true).
I don't have a idea about how my life is going to turn out or how I want it to be.
don't know why but i don't have the idea that I am going to live very long, never have. if you would asked my when I was 10 where I was going to be at 20, I would have said that I didn't know but if I was very honest I would have answered that I expected to be dead by then. and maybe being dead is not such a bad thing even if there is no heaven to go to. to quote something I heard on some TV series (don't remember witch one):
I was pretty comfortable the million years before I was born, there is no reason to think I would be anything else the million years after my death.

I remember it because I think that there is a truth in there, there is no reason to think that death is a bad thing (for the person that is dead that is) and you can't say that about life. don't worry I'm not going to end my life because there is a chance that other people get hurt and I don't want that, I am not worth that.

so I will end this like it started, with a apology and a thank you.
I'm sorry
and thanks
greetings fryfan20

Well I don't know what to say...wait a minute, I think I do actually.
If you can't seem to find any purpose in your life, think about it this way: Why should there be a purpose? Why shouldn't it all be a one-time opportunity to have loads of fun and joy? You've got nothing to lose, nothing at all.
I don't know how old you are, but I'm 16 and I had my dark periods a couple of years ago, where it seemed everyone hated me and I was a hindrance for just about anyone.
I just came to the conclusion: Why should I care? It's my life, and as long as I'm not harming anyone then I should be allowed to do as I like.
The cardinal rule of my life has become: Don't try to be someone else than yourself.
As a result of this I'm not exactly swimming in friends, but I wouldn't change the few true friends I have for a million of false friends.

So remember this; Be yourself, make sure to enjoy yourself, and things will sort themselves out.

Fryfan, What I'd say is you do apologize more than most other people I know.

perhaps you could look out for assertiveness course, or investigate registering for one.

Are you in a university or a college at the moment? (I remember you saying you were planning to move to one a few months ago). They often run them to help with building up self confidence, it's a skill to practice, it's a really worthwhile thing to do.

I think investigating that kind of thing and following it through helped me enormously at your age. (I was worried they'd just stick me on prozac or something)

my point is we are in control of our lives, we need to figure out how to take charge.

I do apologise a lot, it would be stupid to say sorry for that now.
thanks wildfire
I am in collage now and still living at home (there is no need for moving away)
I know about these courses and I am pretty sure that my mentor is going to tell my on Monday that it is a good idea to go to one but to be honest I don't believe it will work for my.

I do apologise a lot, it would be stupid to say sorry for that now.
thanks wildfire
I am in collage now and still living at home (there is no need for moving away)
I know about these courses and I am pretty sure that my mentor is going to tell my on Monday that it is a good idea to go to one but to be honest I don't believe it will work for my.
earlier I said:
should I be worried about how much I thought this through?

I'm still not sure why you're unhappy with yourself...

No, you shouldn't. I've often thought about how I would end my life if the time came, and I can't see anything wrong in doing so.

don't know where I got the idea that, that was al right to post and I deleted it in my original post. I might not be very knowledgeable about what to say but I do know that there are some thing's that you just don't say and that was one of them. I am sorry and i will shut up now.

~~~my post here didn't really add anything~~~

hey fryfan,

it does help to say what you feel, no matter what it is...not just as a release, but so that you can start being more aware of how you feel.

do you have a journal? does that help you at all?

it is SOMEwhat natural for one to imagine morbid things, but what you're saying is still a symptom of depression, and it may become hard to think of much else if you become more depressed. so, it is serious...no reason to panic. but every reason to hope and try for better and healthier days than this.

SO more importantly, have you told your counselor these things?

perhaps analogy is useful.

suppose you're planning driving through a mountain range on holiday. You want to enjoy yourself and adventure, sleep under the stars, catch salmon in the river and see the grisly bears.

Your car's been making a funny noise every now and again, and at the back of your mind is the possibility it would break.

Just ahead you see a service station, and it's probably the last one before entering the park, it's even free because it's provided to prevent breaking down out out in the wild where people are harder to get to.

You might take your car and have it looked over because you hear these occasional rumblings from the engine, just for a minor service. Perhaps the garage owner has some tips about how to brake going down the hills so that the discs don't overheat?. Even if it's just a pleasant chat before starting out on your journey, it's probably worth taking the time to do it.