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Maxx England


Member

Posted Sat Apr 18th, 2009 11:18pm Post subject: What is real communication?
I wonder sometimes if it's just a terrible need to fill a perceived and uncomfortable void in a conversation. I know how I feel when I'm stuck with some culturally deprived dummock (I know it's not a real word) that I have no common ground with, who doesn't want to talk because I'm some sort of alien species to him.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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PamJH


Member

Posted Sat Apr 18th, 2009 11:36pm Post subject: What is real communication?
Maybe it is, Maxx, but I can find common ground with just about anyone and I'll bet you can, too. I think a lot of people simply don't want to try.

Dummock is is a pretty good word, kind of a cross between dumbass and lummox.

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michael


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 3:52pm Post subject: What is real communication?
Communication varies between cultures. For instance, the most direct (ie you say what you think and bugger the consequences) communicators are Israelis, followed closely by my lot - folks from Yorkshire. Germans are pretty direct, Australians are not. They hint and go all round the houses to tell you something.

I learned that New Yorkers are capable of communicating by two people talking over each other, ie talking at the same time.

Aboriginal Australian communication is another thing all together. The 'power' is in the listener not the talker. You say something, and it is up to whoever is there to choose to hear you or not. This has called untold trouble to Aborigines over the years, as they say something disgusting using foul language, a cop arrests them, and they think he is insane for having listened to them.

It is a pain being a direct communicator in an indirect culture - it drives me to distraction sometimes.

it's so true! and we don't know till we leave it.

where i grew up, most people have a few things they do that's more native american in origin...and some is rural stuff...

1)it's completely common to not make much direct eye contact. often when two friends talk, they stand or sit beside each other, and both looking "out", so it looks like they are people watching 2)pauses happen all the time, sometimes because the speaker is thinking, sometimes just because, and most people are comfortable with this.

when i went to grad school in upstate new york, most of my teachers and classmates were from new york city or los angeles or chicago. if i didn't start answering thier question in 5 seconds, they'd say "whatyouhadn'tthoughtaboutthis?"

if i didn't make eye contact with someone they'd say "are you listening to me?"

they would stand what felt like 3inches from my face. if i kept backing up to a comfortable distance, they'd keep moving in till i was against a wall. then they would say "you need to relax, you're acting intimidated"

i was always trying to stand next to someone instead of across, and then they would shuffle around to be across from me, then i'd shuffle around to be beside them, until i realized we'd danced in a circle.

most teachers in grad school thought i was kinda slow. one teacher even said i needed to read more books.
(i don't know where she got the idea that i didn't)

i had a classmate that would wave me over to talk to her because anything i said made her crack up, not because it was funny, but because something about me was funny to her.

like ben franklin in france.

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Maren


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 4:01pm Post subject: What is real communication?
if i kept backing up to a comfortable distance for me, they'd just keep moving in till i was against a wall. also, i was always trying to stand next to someone instead of across, and then they would shuffle around to be across from me, then i'd shuffle around to be beside them, until i realized we'd danced in a circle.

oh yes, funny to read - but horrible in reality. I also don't like people to pester me, and I think it's not just a cultural thing.

Germans are pretty direct

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michael


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 4:07pm Post subject: What is real communication?
if i kept backing up to a comfortable distance for me, they'd just keep moving in till i was against a wall. also, i was always trying to stand next to someone instead of across, and then they would shuffle around to be across from me, then i'd shuffle around to be beside them, until i realized we'd danced in a circle.

oh yes, funny to read - but horrible in reality. I also don't like people to pester me, and I think it's not just a cultural thing.



Very True! maybe it was the individual's personality. it's fascinating, all our differences.

noone did that to me where i grew up, unless they were trying to pick a fight.

i ended up feeling put out by people who i thought were being really aggressive...while they thought they were being their most friendly!

then they thought i was skittish and nervous, when i really just wanted them to talk civilly.

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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michael


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 4:12pm Post subject: What is real communication?
is "civilly" a word?? X-D

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 5:57pm Post subject: What is real communication?
Oh yes. To do with the way you should behave in a city, from the Latin, I think, civitate, a city & state.

A bit like polite, politics, police, to do with a -polis, Greek I think, a town/city.

You see this distance thing happening in Birmingham ( the real one, over here) where Asian immigrants follow the white indigenes in the same dance, one trying to close a distance associated with rejection, and the other trying to open it up because of a sense of encroachment on personal space.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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michael


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 6:06pm Post subject: What is real communication?
Oh yes. To do with the way you should behave in a city, from the Latin, I think, civitate, a city & state.

A bit like polite, politics, police, to do with a -polis, Greek I think, a town/city.

You see this distance thing happening in Birmingham ( the real one, over here) where Asian immigrants follow the white indigenes in the same dance, one trying to close a distance associated with rejection, and the other trying to open it up because of a sense of encroachment on personal space.

are the people there rural?

i read this great study where they averaged how far away different people would acknowledge each other or talk, and city people had to be within a foot or so of each other and rural people were fine waving from the other side of an acre and hollerin "how's things?"

"HELLO I'M TACTILE !" is an anagram of my name

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 6:18pm Post subject: What is real communication?
Seems to be the other way round here. Many Asian immigrants are from a rural background (not all) and Birmingham's fairly densely populated. I suppose it's just the habitual distances associated with Northwest Europeans and the Asians.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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PamJH


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 7:21pm Post subject: What is real communication?


i read this great study where they averaged how far away different people would acknowledge each other or talk, and city people had to be within a foot or so of each other and rural people were fine waving from the other side of an acre and hollerin "how's things?"

This is so true. My neighbors are acres away and we holler at them when we see them in their yards and they holler back. We approach each other if we have something we can't holler, but generally the holler will do. And now holler is starting to look like a very funny word.

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 8:18pm Post subject: What is real communication?
2 Aussies out on a sheep station. One says "looks like a dust storm coming up out of the south" and falls silent.

Next day, he says, "think I might have been wrong about the dust storm" and goes silent again.

Third day, "We'd better get some diesel for the ute", trhen silence.

Fourth day, the other one starts packing his bags, number one asks, "where you goin'?" Number two replies, "anywhere they don't talk so much."

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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sheepchrist


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 9:16pm Post subject: What is real communication?
It’s amazing how clear a communication and its response can become extremely concise when the communicator uses the medium of a shotgun under your chin

Rarely is there confusion about the message and rarer still confusion or slowness to respond

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Maxx England


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 9:22pm Post subject: What is real communication?
Shotgun under the chin? You really must change your barber.

It's right enough though, when the occasion warrants, we can all get the message pdq.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

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sheepchrist


Member

Posted Mon Apr 20th, 2009 9:30pm Post subject: What is real communication?
[quote="Maxx England"]Shotgun under the chin? You really must change your barber.

X-D x 10

although I have experienced such a communication I am not recommending it as a way forward

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