I am a little drunk and my reserve is slightly diminished so for some unknown reason I already feel the need to apologise about my forthcoming openness. Although it is what I truly value in others.
I was wondering if I could throw open a few fundamental questions which trouble me day in day out at present.
What on earth is ‘normal’? What on earth is ‘sanity’?
I love people, animals and openness. I love life and the wonders and depth of which we co inhabit day in day out.
On the other hand I do become disillusioned with several aspects of society. I get immensely frustrated at hypocrisy. As I get older I sadly see so many of my friends slipping into the middle class mass and becoming judgemental. I feel that I am losing many to a wall of keeping up appearances and isolation.
I have been diagnosed as BP which was subsequently withdrawn and replaced with an ADD/hypersensitivity label. This was not surprising as I had been told this since I was six. But – sometimes I wonder … am I just very honest about what others think and feel but just don’t voice??
These are my questions – are we the ones who have more energy to address the feelings/emotions which others experience but never express? Is it that we hit crisis with the real conflict and emotion of our actual thoughts and feel the impact of the ramifications of these through our social/professional/academic networks? Is it this obvious clarity which drives us to crisis? Do we not have the ‘social/emotional armour’ to filter these feelings and slip back into a secure world of reverie?
Most of my dearest and most respected friends are every open and honest. Admittedly they are also a little ‘eccentric’ but is this wrong? I have met many ‘normal’ people who conduct their personal affairs in much more unconventional ways than I am used to but this is kept quiet. What on earth is ‘normal’?
Because we address these feelings/emotions so directly does this justify a ‘label’? I have much insight into who and what I am – in fact much more than most people. Does this mean I am unwell?
I am no doubt rambling as I am a little tipsy. I think I am going to get a glass of water.