Thanks again for the help. I remain calm when I am on the net, but cry like a baby when I see my GP, because I am so desparate for help, but cannot get the words out about how I feel, so for the last 6 ish years i have just done the rounds of going on anti depressants, feeling better after about 6 months, coming off them, feeling ok for a bit, then sinking back down again.
I do have a very stressful , busy life, with my 2 younger kids and 3 year old grandson, who I have helped bring up, as my daughter couldn't cope (she has moved out now with him and her boyfriend) so now I get a bit of peace!
I think my family has helped me to hide my illness, as I kid myself I am "just a housewife with a bit of depression"
I don't have much faith in my GP, as the last time I saw her, her pen was itching to give me some Prozac, but I said no, I want to see how I go without pills for a while. Besides, I have put on 2 stone since January on Sertraline!
Her point about me not being "that ill"-
I have tried to kill myself twice with pills. Never got a single pill down me the first time at 13, as I got so annoyed with a friend, who I hadn't seen for weeks, knocked on the door to bring an LP back, and she scratched it!
Second time, boyfriend made me keep being sick , after I downed about 10 paracetomol and half a bottle of sherry!
I have also imagined jumping in front of a bus, but couldn't put my family through it., (or the driver of the number 47 )
I will make sure EVERYTHING I need to say is written down when I get my appointment, as i have waited till i am 42 to seek proper help, I don't want to waste my chance of getting help.
Good idea of yours to write everything down before the appointment(s), I do the same, even many years in. In the early 'drama' of the initial appointments, one tends to forget bits, also during the relative complacency of the later visits. Depression plays havoc with the memory anyway, especially when "put on the spot".
In my own experiences, I found very long term periods of medication ( now permanent ) were needed to stay well. 6 months never cut it for me.
My own G.P. told me a few weeks ago that there is research data to show that the benefits of medication in fact accumulates over years, not months. She reminded me that even on the same dose of effective medication, one would feel much better in 2008 than 2007 and then much better in 2009 than 2008 etc.
I am also a great believer in trying something else if you are not getting reasonably
good initial results from a drug after 2-3 months or so. There are so many out there. I tried for 3 years until we settled on the current best. The only bad effect of this is that you are constantly going through withdrawal and 'new drug jitters'. I would therefore urge caution in your initial ( rather delicate state ).
I agree that weight gain can be a problem: ( I don't get it from my anti-depressant, but do from other drugs I have to take ) - but I feel that weight gain is a lesser problem than falling in front of the no. 47 bus !
At least we can still adjust our eating habits and dash around a bit more to lessen that weight gain. I know we still keep some, but it's a worthwhile compromise In my humble opinion.
I really hope that your consultation with the nurse gets you fast access to the Psychiatrist, where you can really 'talk shop' at a prescribing and overall authorising of treatment level.
Take care till then Caz