I can't even rationalise it with myself, so trying to explain it to someone else would be like trying to promote Communism to George Bush.
I have a degree in neuroscience and i can appreciate it on a neurological level but how that translates to me wanting to die for 3 months last year and not leaving my room for 10 weeks, i can't say.
Of course the fact that at the minute i have found something that really works for me is helping. Last week i wrote an 150 page screenplay (way too long but i just couldn't stop) and i'm still awake at 3.24am and will probably sleep for 3 hours tonight, MAX. I could describe some of the mechanisms in my noggin causing this, but as for understanding it in a real world context, not a chance.
I'm just glad that for the absolute shit i felt last year, i have some sort of redress at the minute.
Stephen, if you read this, thank you so much for making this program, it literally changed my life. This year i am planning on making a few short films and hope to make a low/no budget independant film next summer. From October to December last year i felt horrific, i don't know how i got through it. I survived 2 suicide attempts, 1 wasn't a serious attempt but the second was a focussed endeavour to finish my life.
I have always been a fan of yours, from Blackadder (Baaaaah!), Jeeves and Wooster, Fry and Laurie, Q.I. and your great performance in Alan Moore's masterpiece (well apart from Watchmen of course) V for Vendetta. But that show helped me realise the reason for the way i am and i can never thank you enough for that sir.