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obsidio


Member

Posted Mon Dec 7th, 2009 5:47pm Post subject: Whats the problem?

Hey everybody, so my recent visit to this forum might have triggered something in my mind, who knows, anyway I wrote this down and I'd like to make it more poetic. Any suggestions for directions I could take it are more than welcome. Feel free to slate the content if you don't like it but I'm not concerned about that, I'll probably have to change it quite a bit anyway. Id just like some direction really, with rgards to lay out, meter, rhyme scheme etc, anything that would make it more poetic.

Here it is . . .

What’s the Problem?

I think the problem is
That you see yourself,
Through my eyes.
You asked me not to judge you.
Why is that?

I welcome people to judge me.
I know this judgement will
Often be favourable.
I can take criticism.
I appreciate well-founded criticism.
But I won’t change until I feel I have to.
I’ll be the judge of when that is necessary.
Not when someone else takes issue,
With something I have said or done.
Without, grasping the overall picture,
Without, knowing what’s really going on.

What a bizarre predicament.
“Don’t judge me.” He said,
As if he meant;
“Don’t you dare judge me,
You don’t know,
My life is so hard,
You don’t know
What its like being me,
You’ve never been me
Et Cetera . . .”
Here’s what I have to say
About this;

We all judge all the time.
The institutions where we study or work,
Entertain or perform are judging us.
Our audiences judge us,
We judge each other.
We are all judges and
We are all being judged.
It’s a crazy world.
And the funny thing is,
We all judge each other
On the limited knowledge
We have of each other.
Everyday, all the time,
On appearances,
On conversations,
On the attitudes
We suppose that others hold
Because of the way we see them act.
We do this because we have to.
To make sense of the world to survive.
No-one really knows what’s going on.


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obsidio


Member

Posted Thu Dec 10th, 2009 6:29pm Post subject: Whats the problem?

Word up people of the Fry following! I rejiggled this and I may as-well post it as a kind of before and after type thing and I'll give you some insight into the process.

Basically, I originally just typed a load of thoughts into Microsoft word (seems easier than jotting notes these days) and then ordered them in verses. That is what you see above, the before. Then, today I sat down and considered what I was trying to say and rearranged the verses, took the personal out, or at-least changed the nature of the personal and made all the verses pretty. The rhyme scheme remains a little bit of a mystery but I think thats fine. I am very sure that other people who don't see themselves as 'poets' or 'creative types' could do what I did and achieve fantastic results . . just my two cents!

What’s the Problem?

You asked me not to judge you.
What a bizarre predicament.
“Don’t judge me” . . often said
As if behind the words
Lies a meaning like weighted led;
“Don’t you dare judge me,
You don’t know,
My life is so hard,
You don’t know
What it’s like being me.
How can you know?
You’ve never been me”
Et Cetera . . . listen
I’m your friend and I’m here,
Let me give you some advice.

Firstly, don’t forget you know me
As little or as much as I know you.
We only have a working knowledge
Of ourselves and ‘the other’,
The ‘I’ and the ‘you’.
With this limited knowledge
We fashion the ‘us’ and the ‘them’,
The ‘others’ for our world.
Secondly, forget how worldly wise
You are, or how far you have reached,
Or how many trails you can trace.
In the realm of your own mind is
Your only place,
That limitless but bounded space,
Where you can know what’s going on.

As to what the others see, well,
Welcome them to question or judge you.
Live your life so you can be
Sure of yourself and your actions.
Remember others in this and
You’ll find their judgement will
Be often favourable.
Take the criticism.
Appreciate well-founded criticism.
But don’t change until you feel you have to.
Until you judge that it is necessary.
Not when someone else takes issue,
With something you have said or done.
Without, grasping the overall picture,
Without, knowing what’s really going on.

We all judge all the time.
Whether we study or work,
Entertain or perform,
People have to judge us.
Our audiences judge us,
We judge each other
On the limited knowledge
We have of one another.
On appearances, conversations
And the attitudes that
We suppose people hold
Because of the way we see them act.
We do this because we have to . . .
To make sense of the world to survive.
No-one really knows what’s going on.

I think the problem is
That you see yourself,
Through my eyes,
Forgetting
I know as little as you.


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