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april101


Member

Posted Fri Oct 14th, 2011 5:47am Post subject: Why do are children make as cry

I have never felt so much so confused as a parent then i do now. I feel so much pressure to be a good the best parent that I find myself question everything that I do.I have two beautiful bright children and it really takes it out of me to bring them up right and to give them a better future then i ever had. ones a now a chief and the other wishes to be a psychologist. but its sometimes seams such a big job that it overwhelms to keep then in shape. don't get me wrong I love it. but I am face with a terrible decision after my son stole money off my husband and I and now he stole is sisters wallet to take is new girl out. i am outrage and thinking and the dreadful thought that I thought i would never consider as crossed my mind.to through him out.but I am not a cruel mother. yet we have tried so had these past few years, that it seams it is all that I can do. sorry his is long.he just keeps hurting as.and my heart is braking.why do they do this.


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Nitro


Member

Posted Sun Oct 23rd, 2011 4:25am Post subject: Why do are children make as cry

I understand that you would feel sad and wonder why your son would grow up and still feel OK about stealing from his own family.

All you can do is confront him about it and tell him how it makes you feel. If he is living under your roof, he must abide by the rules that make living in the same space tolerable for everyone, not just himself. Maybe explain to him how stealing destroys trust and that if a family doesn't have that, he is undermining his own family's ability to depend on each other and to have a safe environment for everyone there.

If he expresses contempt for your words, as his mother you are well within your rights to explain to him that he has two choices: He can either live there and never, ever steal from any of you again or he can live and go try to make that method work for himself in the real world. Be sure to remind him that unlike his family, the police and other criminals, and maybe even victims of his theft, will not be so patient and forgiving with him. Remind him that whatever choices he makes, there is always a repurcussion. An impact. And he must live with that too.

That's about all you can do. Let him make his decision. If he rebels and such, then yes, I would invite him to find new arrangements straight away. But don't enable him. Let him go out and find out just how hard it is to get started on his own. Let him buy his own household goods and all of that. Perhaps he will realize that he would not like it if anyone stole from him.

This isn't about wether you are cruel or not. This is about letting him handle the consequences of his own choices.

I hope after such a calm conversation with him that he would realize how serious his actions are and how badly they are impacting himself and his family and how he is whittling away at your respect for and trust in him. And if he doesnt' realize it right now, he may realize it later. But it might be time for him to go work those things out on his own. Any tendency for thieving really needs to be addressed in a direct manner with specific and known consequences. The sooner you do so the sooner he will come to realize why it is wrong, and it's wrong for so very many reasons. Some of which he may just have to find out on his own. Theft cannot be tolerated within a family. It can be forgiven, but it MUST stop or he's going to have to go. That's it.

You're not cruel, believe me. If I ever had stolen money from a family member and I was over the age of 18, my mom would've tossed me out on my ear without a second thought and she certainly wouldn've never had the slightest thought she might be 'cruel'!! It is the thief who is cruel, not the victim.

I'm sure your son does not wish to get a reputation as a thief nor have to spend time in jail over it. So, he better straighten his mind out and real quick-like. If I were his dad I'd sit him down and explain it once. If it happened again, I'd give him the boot and I'd tell him to pack his bags and get out and when he manned up, to come back home with a serious and sincere apology on his lips, but not before then.

Really? Wow.

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april101


Member

Posted Sun Oct 30th, 2011 8:06pm Post subject: Why do are children make as cry

Hi nitro,thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, how kind.
its had to talk to my friends about this problem as they think that I am always in control, and i just needed to shout.. but really i have now understood the reason behind his behavior.he is addicted to smokes and maybe something else , and I would rather help him then ask him to leave its had yea.but you have a point PS I also started to charge him bored keep so he as less money to spend on wild nights. maybe this will calm him down. thanks again aly


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Nitro


Member

Posted Tue Jan 17th, 2012 5:10am Post subject: Why do are children make as cry

Good thing we aren't using paper here as I might've killed a few trees with my reply

I'm glad things are going well with you and your son and thanks for being good natured about my long winded letter

Really? Wow.

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ArleneA


Member

Posted Thu Mar 22nd, 2012 8:06pm Post subject: Why do are children make as cry

The illness which I have, (The "B" word) or Manic Depression which sits more comfortably with me; well it has affected my 15 year old son the greatest.

During a 9 week admission in June 2010, he was very distressed. He would ask his Dad "what is wrong with Mum, she looks perfectly fine to me...". Gee, that was heartbreaking to hear, I have to say. He went a bit off the rails, but am pleased to say that he has turned a major corner and is doing great at the moment. He will be leaving school in a couple of months as he wants to get a job.

I think other kids at school were being nasty about where I had been (hospital) which got referred to as "the looney bin". Kids can be so cruel; but possibly repeating what they heard adults say about the whole situation, as word about these things spreads pretty rapidly in a small town.

Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

"This is me - don't try and change it..."

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