Topic RSS | Reply to topic
Author Post

Beira


Member

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 9:32am Post subject: Wife-starving

For me, this subject and the bill in Afghanistan, is about control, rather than sex.

As far as I understand it, rape is about control, and by being allowed to deny a woman food if she does not 'put out', then that's basically legalising rape, because the woman who does not consent is left with two choices, starve or be controlled and most people don't want to die so will submit to the control.


Back to top

Maxx England


Member

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 12:51pm Post subject: Wife-starving

joan said:
Back to wife-starving...

All this linking sex to food - who knows where it will take them. If you walk into a place where a husband and wife are having a banquet, will there be lots of nudge nudge, wink wink? If you go on a diet, will you be able to to say 'no' to sex more often??

I wonder what highly satisfied husbands will do - overfeed their wives?? What about a sexually demanding wife? Will she be force-fed, while her frigid sisters are starved??

Odd concept there. Of course, there are men who see a woman who enjoys food, enjoys a drink, enjoys a smoke, and wonder if she's up for the set?

As Beira says, it's about control, but human life in all aspects carries some dominance issues. You might disguise it, but as an example, look at what fashion does to clothing and the number of people who would die sooner than wear something "so last year". Why? Fear of appearing weak or deficient amongst peers, losing face and social staus or rank.

Devil's advocate time: if you're going to take this personally, stop reading right now and go to another thread, this is only posted as an idea for consideration, not an act of war.

Demanding conjugal rights, it's a minefield there. In this society and perhaps even in Afghanistan, a man might adore his wife, want to share The Joy with the most important person in his life, but for whatever reason, she has shut the door on him. No, he doesn't have the right to commit the most violent and personal of all assaults, but sometimes, ladies, do you think that some of you have taken your eye off the ball, that you think the man just wants a brief moment of pleasure with no regard whatsoever for you instead of understanding he loves you and needs you? Desperately?

Most men aren't very good at saying this sort of thing, but I'll give it a go. A man will work all the hours there are to give his woman the best things he can in life, he will work himself into the grave for her and any children they have. He will, and this is not some high flown figure of speech or exaggeration, die for her. Actually sacrifice himself for her in the event of an accident or fire or an act of war. That is the true depth of feeling of many men, for their significant others, who don't admit it or have the words to say it. Is it too much to ask sometimes for a woman to realise that she actually is, for at least one man, the most desirable and lovely creature in all the world, and all he wants to do is share that most sublime experience with her instead of either the solo alternative or finding inferior solace elsewhere?

Do me a favour, don't react straight off, go away and think about it.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

Back to top

gjhsu


Moderator

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 2:13pm Post subject: Wife-starving

I've thought about it, at least for a bit.

I think, in marriage, a woman does realize that they are the object of desire to the man, and it also goes the other way around. I would hope there was a moment of emotional love involved before getting married, and in doing so, there is admittance of love and desire. I dare say it's implicit, if it's not explicitly said day in and day out.

Humans are sexual beings, but even sexual beings sometimes have days of just not wanting it. Whether through illness, stress, or any other number of things, sometimes the response to these situations is "I just don't want it." This is very much separate from saying or admitting that they mean everything, something, nothing to a man. Or indeed the other way around, although their little law doesn't cover that case.

Love, even when one is "desparately needs someone" in no way makes it okay, when an act requires two people, to demand conjugal "rights." Because, after all, they aren't rights at all. Having and getting intercourse (or even foreplay) is a privilege given by both parties, not one. This applies in EVERY case. Now, I won't be so naive as to think there aren't some times when either party is on the fence about doing the deed, and just says "fine, let's get it over with" in order to preserve the peace, or for one party to put up with going to the theatre, or a football match, but on a scale of absolutely-not-in-the-mood to horny toad, that's in the middle.
If one party is on the far end of not wanting it, it is never ok. Honestly. If you disagree with that statement, you really need to sit and think about it.

The point is, if one person really doesn't want to put out, just have a wank. It's not that hard, and you still get the cheap thrill of an on-demand orgasm. And, if you're truly driven by sex, and the other person never, ever wants to do it, have a divorce and find someone who will. It may be faux pas in their society (I have no idea, I don't live there), but it's far more humane than starving.


Back to top

TobiasMonk


Moderator

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 5:25pm Post subject: Wife-starving

Most men aren't very good at saying this sort of thing, but I'll give it a go. A man will work all the hours there are to give his woman the best things he can in life, he will work himself into the grave for her and any children they have. He will, and this is not some high flown figure of speech or exaggeration, die for her. Actually sacrifice himself for her in the event of an accident or fire or an act of war. That is the true depth of feeling of many men, for their significant others, who don't admit it or have the words to say it.

Do me a favour, don't react straight off, go away and think about it.

I'd agree with that, but remember that you're thinking with a western perspective Maxx, you know that some cultures encourage the view of women as mere chattels, and until that way of thinking, and that pattern of inherited behavior changes, circumstances for women living in those cultures is not likely to improve any time soon, it often takes generations.

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman

Back to top

Maxx England


Member

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 6:17pm Post subject: Wife-starving

Gihsu me dear, I think you have actually missed the point about what I'm saying. Sex is not compulsory, in any form at all.

What I'm asking for is for a little understanding and warmth amongst couples who are at risk of losing emotional sight of each other. This is not, and I quote, about "just have a wank". If your only experience of men has been that they are all just using you as de luxe willy warmer, then you have my full and unequivocal sympathy; but I will remind you, we're not all like that. Sex isn't just a physical itch to be scratched, it is also a major component of pair bonding for most couples.

I advise everybody, men as well as women, if you want to be together, stay together, be each other's most important person in all the world, take time to care about what your partner's heart needs in order to keep it all going and do what you can to supply that need.

Me? 34 years together (could have been out by now.....) and 28 of those married to my wife. No, we're not hanging from a trapeze every night smeared in crushed bananas, but we do know each other pretty well by now, and we do make time for each other. That's about it, really.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

Back to top

gjhsu


Moderator

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 7:19pm Post subject: Wife-starving

Pst, I am a man, and completely agree with my point of if I'm not getting any, just having a wank, haha.

I see your point but don't agree that women not thinking about or understanding a man's needs. But there are still times when sex isn't interesting.


Back to top

Maxx England


Member

Posted Fri Aug 28th, 2009 7:57pm Post subject: Wife-starving

Sorry about my misunderstanding.

And yes, it's a bugger when they want to talk and the cricket's on the radio.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

Back to top

Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Mon Aug 31st, 2009 11:13am Post subject: Wife-starving

'Pair Bonding' - sounds very 'Attenborough'


Back to top

Nitro


Member

Posted Mon Aug 31st, 2009 9:31pm Post subject: Wife-starving

It's so funny when men won't admit to each other or themselves how often they do NOT want to have sex.

Men get sick, have headaches, get fatigued etc etc and I have had many female freinds in my life complain to me about their HUSBANDS not willing to 'put out' ( such a rude term for such a nice thing..I'll never understand that..). Contrary to popularly supported myth, many women cheat on their husbands not for LOVE but for SEX. I have had friends who would, out of spite alone, reject their girlfriends and wives advances. So, let's not tilt this boat too much to one side because we might steer away from Reality a bit too much and into sit-com life.

An amusing story, maybe: I know a woman who told me about the first time one of her lovers..might of been her husband, I can't recall...telling her HE was not in the mood ( something to that affect, but it boiled down to her being denied ) and her instant and not well thought response of immediate anger and lashing out at him verbally. "How dare HE resist or reject my advances? Telling me 'No'?!! Women aren't raised to hear 'No' when they want sex. We take it for granted that we'll get it. No one teaches us; not our parents, not our friends, not our teachers, and certainly not various media outlets, to understand or contend with NOT being able to get sex." She went on to say how she had to go back and apologize to her man at the time and explain to him what might have influenced her fairly callus and self-centered response. "He was tired. He'd been working alot all week. And there I went getting all bent out of shape about it. I was really embarassed by my outburst."

This is a side of things that neither gender raises very often, but it would probably go a long way towards understanding between men and women if it were. Men are not super-human and 'always on', no matter how much we wish to believe we are or are programmed to believe we are.

Really? Wow.

Back to top

Maxx England


Member

Posted Mon Aug 31st, 2009 10:22pm Post subject: Wife-starving

You're entirely right, but I'm reminded of Spike Milligan's take on the alleged use of bromides to reduce the sex drive of the British soldier in WW2. He reckoned the only way to make it work effectively was put it in a 200lb shell and fire it at him below the waist.

And yes, I've had my wife go loopy at my temporary inability in the past; not a lot of understanding there at the time.

The lady who went back and apologised, well, that was a real lady. May the FSM's Noodly Appendage touch her, wherever she is. And wherever she wants.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

Back to top

Nitro


Member

Posted Tue Sep 1st, 2009 2:28pm Post subject: Wife-starving

LOL!!

One of the reasons that females are seperated boys/men, generally speaking (very), 'middle eastern countries', is due not to the male sex drive, but the female. Little known fact that.

Girls and boys play together until the girl hits puberty, then she's seperated. This goes back, probably, to Aristotles idea that when a womans sex drive was 'activated', she'd become an untrustworthy and insatiable beast. Not to mention her abilty to reproduce might mean she produced more like herself ROFL!!

The FEAR of women having control of their own sexual prowess and abilities - and I mean 100% COMPLETE control with zero influence of male judgements bearing down - dates back a lonnnnnng ways.

One way of 'dealing with' you nasty, sex fiendish women ( yes, i'm jesting!! ) who, if left to your own devices and thoughts, will screw anything that moves - is to condition you to feel guilt and fear as well. Once you feel these things, it's much, much easier for the propaganda of misognyists to take hold.

BTW...how the hell did I get on this topic?

Really? Wow.

Back to top

Maxx England


Member

Posted Tue Sep 1st, 2009 4:14pm Post subject: Wife-starving

You are guilty of the crime of thinking, and are to be taken hence to a place of correction, wherein your brains will be scrambled by as much daytime television as it takes. So passeth the sentence of this court, and may the FSM have mercy upon your soul.

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

Back to top

Maxx England


Member

Posted Wed Sep 2nd, 2009 11:48am Post subject: Wife-starving

Stir alert! Stir alert! Where have all the women gone now we've started talking about sex? Sudden outbreak of virginity, perhaps?

The only way is forward. Now where's the bar?

Back to top

Anonymous


Unregistered

Posted Wed Sep 2nd, 2009 9:16pm Post subject: Wife-starving

My Mum's gone to Iceland, Maxx


Back to top

Beira


Member

Posted Thu Sep 3rd, 2009 1:30am Post subject: Wife-starving

Did someone say sex?? How did I miss this!
.
.
.
Actually I agree, I think women do expect a man to 'put out' at all times, well, what I mean is, I expect men to always be interested but that's what I've been brought up to believe. Actually that sounds a bit dodgy, when I say brought up, I mean from teens onwards through friends, media etc. My mother never sat me down and, alongside the 'Where babies come from' chat, instilled in me the view that men are permanently randy.

Though now I know differently. And so, wont start throwing crockery the next time a significant other says they don't feel like it.


Back to top