Hell’s Bells what did I let you and myself in for? Don’t be angry with me, I set the competition without really thinking. It shan’t happen again. Don’t be angry if you disagree with my prize-giving either. These things are personal and in the end it was a kind of lottery, so many entries were similar that I became blind to the letter L.

To remind you. I instituted a competition to celebrate the arrival of my 50,000th follower. This was only a week and a half ago and there has since been something of an exponential leap in numbers which means I am almost certain to have to dream up a 100K competition soon – which, you will be pleased to know, will be nothing like as lexical, literal and lethal as this 50K beast.

The event wasn’t helped by Twitter’s hashtags not liking a single-letter attribution. If you want to see the whole collection of entries then use the following site, rather than Twitter’s own: it adds content as you scroll down.


If I have to read another story about Lilly (often Lily Allen, of course), lullabies, hillbillies or Kill Bill at Llanelli I may well scream. But how could you have done otherwise?

There are so many worthy entries, worthy in that they at least attempt to make some kind of sense within the absurd constrictions I laid upon you, that I have had to resort to giving three prizes almost at random. Prizes for third and second place go to those who cheated but in such a way as to amuse me, the first prize is for a ‘proper’ entry that satisfies all the conditions, as so many of you, astonishingly, managed to do.

Honourable mentions to FryPhile (and I promise you not on account of the flattering name) for a mathematical formula that manipulates Ls to yield the year 2009 and to @Richard_Holt too for his elaborate use of strange characters. To @simonrjones too for offering the best entry to exploit Welsh place names (a stratagem that occurred to many, perhaps his name suggests an innate advantage?). @utterpiffle, @tonya_in_tenn , @ meakookaem, @chickenings, @joannavos and @moulesfrites also amused me with their ingenuity, as did too many others to mention, including I expect, you … Anyway.

Third prize to @Chubbx for a slew of imaginative insects and other L-shaped oddities. Here are two examples of her mind at work:

Earthworms knelt praying fervently that they win this competition LLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLL


A REALLY long ladder sliced in half with a chainsaw LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL think I seriously need help.

Yes, @Chubbx, you do…

Second prize to @fiskerton for tickling me with
Tetris v0.1 proved too easy: L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L L

And for the First prize I had to choose between a whole load of jellies and lollies belonging to Lillie but ended up picking this entry from @Shing_and_R2 which kind of makes sense as a warning against illicit pharmaceuticals and has more elegance and individual sense-making phrases than most of you (or I) managed… so congratulations to you @Shing_and_R

I’ll tell all: shills—all bull—willfully lull dull fools. Illegal pills sell—all will fall ill. Law will prevail—hellhole cell walls call #L

Phew! The L-staring hell I’ve been through is all of my own making. Thanks for your patience and imagination. Now to think hard about a really fun frolic to celebrate the hundred thousand…………

S xxx